Listen Up

Just when I thought it was over, I hear about more people talking behind my back. If you're upset that I moved out and left you behind, call me and we'll discuss the matter. Sending me messages and letters so you don't have to face me, or acting like everything's okay doesn't solve anything. Also, talking to your other friends doesn't help either....one way or another it's gotten back to me.

Christians, you have hurt me time and again. Not all of you, but some. Look, I'm sorry that I moved out....my home life sucked. If you know me, you'd know that. I moved out to get away from the stress and I'm happy here. I'm away from the drama, the emotional abuse, and the pain of feeling useless. At college, I've had the chance to pursue God for myself and the ministry opportunities have been awesome. However, I do not have a car. Sorry that I can't come visit you every weekend. Sorry that I have no desire to return to a place where I was unhappy and hurting. If you want me to move back home and suffer through that again, sorry but it's not happening. I see that as somewhat selfish.

The majority of the time, I'm happy. I'm doing just fine. I'm managing my time, spending time in the word, and sharing my faith at least once a day. How many of you can say that you are doing that? I'm not trying to say that I'm better or that i'm 'all that' but I'm happy and doing well.

The reason I blog is to vent my feelings and that's what i'm doing right now. Sadly, the venting is pretty angry. When I get texts and hear that my friends have been talking about me, it hurts. But it's gotten to a point where I'm getting pretty pissed off. If this is how Christians treat other Christians when they go off to college, then I want nothing to do with Christians. I don't want to belong to a group of people that are known for being judgmental and hypocritical.

I don't have the money to afford a car to come visit, nor do I have the desire to be around people that make me feel awkward and left out. I'm glad that some people are able to save their money and commute because their families are just that awesome, but that would have never worked for me.

I'm sorry for those of you who feel left out. I am truly sorry. What would you like me to do? Sure, I'll come visit. Just call me and offer to pick me up. But if i'm going to come visit, don't make me feel awkward. Don't look at me as if i'm different. Maybe I am different. I'm growing up! From what you're reading, I probably look angry and bitter. At the moment, yes...that would be correct. But live with me here for a day and see how well I'm doing. I. am. happy. And i'm not going to let you ruin that.

If just reading this, and you feel concerned CALL ME. Don't go discussing it with other people. But just know that I'm doing well and I'm happy. I can't emphasize how well i'm doing. I'm gaining my independence and a perspective on life that I will never be able to fully explain. God has (clearly) been testing me and my faith has become even stronger as a result. I'm outside of my comfort zone. I left all I knew back home behind, and came out here to college. I'm building new relationships, discovering Jesus in an incredible way, and gaining a sense of who I am. Aside from all the betrayal, I am truly blessed.

As for now, prayers are greatly appreciated :)