College Crazies

The days until college continue to wind down. The excitement of graduating high school has begun to wear off, and I'm finalizing all the details of my future at the University of Akron. Loans have been filed for, dorm supplies are being purchased, and I'm feeling anxious to move out. It seems as though ever since I was a little girl I have wanted nothing more than to move out. I'm not the typical Christian girl with a perfect Christian family. In fact, my family is far from perfect. I've never really felt like I fit in. You have my dad. An athletic, sports-loving, phys ed teacher and coach. My two brothers. Both play baseball, and between the two of them they play golf, basketball, and football. My mom, who isn't exactly an athlete, but she is the mom and therefore we are basically her prize possessions. That leaves me. A blonde, school nerd, who loves Jesus, shopping, and making my friends laugh. I've tried volleyball, took years of pitching lessons (and was never once on a softball nor did I try out), and quite frankly, didn't fit in. However, growing up in this family has made me quite the competitor. I LOVE getting down and dirty, and playing tackle football or wrestling with my brothers until I've beat them both and leave as the winner. I tell the story only to give you a feel for where I'm coming from. I'm not one to complain and I know that I could have it so much worse. I'm glad that I went through what I have. It's made me independent and willing to be my own person.

I think a lot of times people assume that Christians have it made. I mean, why else would they be so happy and always smiling? Truth is, it's only because of Jesus Christ. Or maybe, we're pretending. That's right, I said it....some Christians have crappy lives, or they're simply faking the smile.

If I'm honest, I will tell you that I've had days where I've wanted to give up. I can't count the number of times where I thought life was too hard and I was angry with God. Truth be told, I would be so angry or upset that I felt like suicide was the answer. When I was over the idea of suicide, I toyed with thoughts of being a party animal. I wanted to completely rebel, forcing God to grab a hold of me and break me. I thought that if God broke me and He was all I had, then maybe, just maybe God would change my life and I would be a better Christian.

Here I am today. Suicide is never the answer, and neither is rebeling. The more I pursue a relationship with my heavenly Father, the more I feel His presence. When I'm not in the word for weeks, or even months I don't feel like i'm missing anything. I don't have a desire to read my Bible or even pray. But when I'm pursuing Christ and reading my Bible every day, I am in God's will. I can hear his subtle whispers, and I know when I miss a day of being in the word. I think sometimes as Christians, we get so busy or life is going great that we tend to forget about God. We give Him our scraps, or sometimes we don't even do that. And then the second life comes tumbling down, we run for Him. Often times blaming Him for life's struggles. I mean, this is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE and we're treating Him like He's just another person. I guess I say all of this because I want other believers to be pursuing God. I know that if we're all in the word and encouraging each other, God could use us in incredible ways. But if we're simply living life and giving God the scraps, then who are we to call ourselves Christians?

This summer, I'm pursuing God. College is seeming stressful, finances are tight, and lots of things seem to be crashing right in front of my eyes. I'm questioning my decisions and wondering how I'll ever make it through. But God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He doesn't want me to worry about tomorrow. I know that  no matter what, God will use me and He'll make me stronger by bringing me through trials. I want to encourage any of you reading this, not to let life bring you down. Don't get to a point where you're considering suicide or completely rebeling. Neither will get you anywhere. Give your struggles and your worries to God. Get a discipler that can hold you accountable. But most of all, trust Him.