Realizations

I've come to a realization today. I was always told that Christians tend to walk away from their faith when they get to college; and I had assumed that that was because of all the temptations, the worldly influences, and the distance away from their home church. However, my thinking has totally changed. I now feel that Christians in college tend to fall away because the church doesn't always 'remember' and seek to keep in touch with the student that has gone off to college. I think it's much easier for the church to reach out to the student, than it is for the student to reach out to the church. A college student is constantly busy and involved in the chaos of dorm life. Either way, I'm not trying to place the blame on anyone.

I sat at work today for four hours. Being that we weren't busy, it was a great time to just sit and think. As much as I talk about how strong I am in my faith, I've developed a feeling of loneliness and betrayal. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I have here and I'm always with people. But deep down, I long for Christians. I long to be reached out to and encouraged. Instead, I feel like as my life goes on here at college, my friends and family back home have moved on without me.(makes me think of OB) Which they should--I don't expect them to be thinking of me all the time because I rarely have the opportunity to think about life back home. But here I am, feeling lonely and betrayed. I feel like no one has faith in me anymore...and I blame myself for that. Since when should I feel guilty for making friends, being social, getting involved at school, and working? I don't know where else to go.

I'm sitting in a room with five other girls, having the time of my life. They see the hurt and they know that I'm blogging and are just as confused with why I'm being treated this way. I love these girls. I've made great friends here, but I still have a place and a hole in my heart for the people back home. I just wish I knew if they felt the same. The notes that talk about my lack of faith seems to outweigh the encouragement notes and so the encouragement doesn't even encourage anymore.

I'm going to try my hardest to blog each night to keep them updated. If that's what they're looking for, I'm going to try my best to do that. Maybe a blog of my daily life would be more exciting and encouraging than my depressing complaints.

Until then, it's back to homework. Pray that God would comfort and encourage me when I'm needing it most.