Christian Girl. Christian Boy?

After today's insanity of occasions and conversations, I don't know that I have anything 'deep' left to say. On that note, tonight's blog is sort of 'light,' if you will. Boys. Would I be a true teenage, Christian girl if I never mentioned that word? Probably not. So what exactly can I blog about boys? Good question...I was thinking the same thing.

Well, I guess I'll start off by saying "Hi, my name is Julie. I'm single!" Haha no, but seriously. For as long as I can remember I've been the girl that can develop a crush in an instant, over the smallest little thing; take a cheesy smile for example. But over the years, and as I've grown in my relationship with Christ, I've come to realize that I don't need a boy to make me happy. Now granted, the fact that one of my life's dreams is to become a mommy, I've always felt that there was no reason for God to call me to a life of "singleness." However, I also feel as though He's been laying it on my heart to be satisfied with being single for a couple more years. And to enjoy this time pursuing Him with all of my heart, before one day giving it away to my future husband. Gosh I don't even know where I'm going with this..

Oh ok, so anyways, I think it's safe to say that a lot of young girls put themselves out there, and dress a certain way or act a certain way, for the mere attention of who they think is "thee one." (whatever that means!)  I understand what that's like, but I think it's sooo important, if not crucial, to first fall in love with God above anyone or anything else, and to allow Him to satisfy us. Ladies, God calls us to be patient. We shouldn't be consumed with finding the perfect guy, rather let God lead someone to you. Gentlemen, I think it's okay for you to be patient too. Wait for God to lay someone on your heart to pursue. Now I'm no love guru, but rather a girl with standards. Don't believe me? If only you could see my little notecard of standards; and these aren't just any standards. To give you an idea: 1. obviously pursuing Christ 2. a good leader(assertive) 3. true gentleman/protective 4. funny guy 5. someone I'm attracted to 6. someone who loves/wants children. Shall I go on? It may sound cheesy, but it's a great reminder to never settle for less.

I guess I'm out of things to say on the topic of boys. All I know, is that from personal experience, they can easily cause drama if you let them, and "boys will always be boys." As for me, I'm gonna wait until college to even start dating; maybe by that time, both myself and all the guys out there will be a little more mature and have a better understanding for who we truly are. College can make or break people; but in either situation, it changes them in some way.

Sorry if this post was rather boring...my brain is fried and I'm ready for bed. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and I'm sooo excited to spend it with family and friends. God has great things in store for 2011! ...including my graduation :) 

Fasting from Facebook

First of all, I have a large variety of things going through my mind....one of them concerning the title of this post. We'll get to that later..But anyways, last night I was able to have a friend spend the night and allowed her to read my blog, every post from my first to my most recent. As she was reading, she was constantly telling me how good of a writer I was. (Now granted, I'm the girl who made my first post about how I was hoping my writing/blog writing skills would improve over time.) After hearing how great I was at writing who knows how many times, I decided to actually read my own blog. (I encourage any of you blog writers out there to do the same.) I was amazed at what I read! Looking back, I've tended to write my posts late at night, right as I'm about to go to bed....that seems to be when my brain digests and processes everything. I try to keep them honest, while including as much humor as I can to keep from boring you. But as I was reading, I realized that a lot of what was written was the Holy Spirit writing through me because there is no way I could ever say such deep things!

Moving right along to 'fasting from facebook.' It's been a week since I've been on facebook and it's been pretty easy---until today that is. Today our church had a game night followed by bowling. A fun time always involves awesome memories, especially if it involves my crazy church family! The first things on my mind when I finally got home and into my PJs were "I need to write on so-and-so's wall" , "I need to make a status about this!", and "I wonder if he/she said this!" So here I am, wanting to share tonight's events with the facebook world (as if they all wanted to know). It was after realizing that Virginia has my password so I have no way of signing in, that I had an eye-opening moment. Today's society is so obsessed with sharing their personal lives with the world, and needing to know the personal live's of everyone else, myself included.

With 30 some days left without facebook I'm learning to 'share my life with Christ' rather than with the world.  If I had an awesome day, I need to thank God for that. If the day didn't go so well or I'm worried about something, I can go to the Lord in prayer and share what's on my mind. The great thing is, I never have to worry about His 'line being busy' or being judged. He's my heavenly Father and He loves me no matter what. He rejoices with me, His heart breaks with me, He gives me that little nudge if I'm afraid, but He's also there to kick me in the butt when I screw up. The more I focus on pursuing God and what His will is for me, the less I care about pursuing the personal live's of others and getting caught up in the latest gossip. (As much as I have to own up to my fair share of gossip in the past, it's one of my biggest pet peeves and I'm working on ridding my life of it!)

To wrap things up, I know blogging could just be a substitute for facebook, in the sense that I'm sharing my personal life, but I'm not writing it for a certain someone(s) and I'm not having to look through the comments and statuses of everyone else. Rather I'm sharing what God is laying on my heart simply to share it, get it off my chest, and hopefully encourage you reading this :)  Know that I continue to pray for you each night, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would work in your life whether He desires to use this blog to do that or not.  Goodnight Readers!

Comfort. Compromise. Christ.

So, December 22nd, 2010, can be defined as the day I changed my life. It's the day when I decided 'enoughs enough,' it's time to start walking the walk. Change is not something that could be classified as easy. In fact, change is never easy. In today's society we're all about comfort and living a comfortable life. Have lots of friends in high school, go to college to get a degree, get a career that makes big bucks because of that degree, get married, have 2.5 children--what could be better? For as long as I can remember, that's what my life goals consisted of. I wanted to be like everybody else and live what should be a pretty happy life. Throughout high school, I've always been greatly involved in my church and youth group; most likely because they were just like me. 'The Christian Kids' who wanted exactly what the world wanted, except they had Jesus and they wouldn't make 'bad choices.'

December 22nd, 2010. Change. What changes do I need to make if I'm already a Christian, and I'm one of those 'good kids'? (Speaking of 'good kids', all it takes to be 'good' is avoiding bad things...our society barely expects anything of us anymore.)  Anyways, it all goes back to being comfortable. Not only are people of the world living comfortably, but I've noticed that Christians are living comfortably as well. We've seemed to grow accumstomed to doing 'just enough' so that we can still call ourselves Christians. We go to church, hang out with our Christians friends, try not to swear too much, blah blah blah. But it's finally clicking for me. We've grown up with this 'idea' of Christ and this 'idea' of what a Christian life should look like, that we aren't really seeing the whole picture...or maybe our only reason for Christ is escape from eternity in hell. The reality of what He did on the cross for us hasn't really sunk in....or at least that's how it would seem. I mean, if we were to really grasp that concept, we wouldn't be keeping that miracle, that sacrifice, to ourselves! There's a whole world out there in need of the perfect savior, but we're too busy keeping Him to ourselves. Why would we ever want to go outside of our little comfort bubble just so that someone else knows about Jesus? The reality of all this makes me somewhat sick.

So here I am, attempting to chase after Christ, fasting from facebook, and for what? I'm reading of the miracles, I'm reading devotions about people who made a 360 change after coming to know Christ....boy do I wish I had such a life-changing experience! I guess my rant is because I personally want to be different, and I want other Christians out there to be different with me. I don't just want them to read this blog and think "huh, good for her. That's a great idea!"  But what is an idea unless we actually apply that idea and put it into practice once in a while?! With nothing else to say, my prayer is that you all would examine your lives, (I'll be doing the same). Did Christ ever really come into your life? If so, how are you different; are you different at all? Are you honoring him in your day-to-day life? Would those around you know that you're a Christian without you even saying that you were? I hope this challenges you. I hope this motivates you beyond a simple idea. Know that I'll be praying for each of you reading this as I go to bed.

Not to be a Hypocrite, but....

Dear Blog Readers,
       God's been laying a lot on my heart lately. In fact, a lot of it probably stems from me believing that i'm OCD. I love to be organized....my favorite aisle at Walmart is the one with sticky notes, paper clips, desktop organizers, notebooks, index card, etc. I'm sure you know exactly what aisle i'm talking about! But another "OCD habit" of mine deals with the days of the week. Like if I were to get fat later on in life and then decide to go on a diet, I would have to start on a Sunday. Starting on a Thursday would just be "odd" and it wouldn't seem like a 'fresh start.' Does that make sense? Or is my OCD just totally abnormal? lol.

The reason why I bring up the whole topic of OCD is because I've been trying to give something up...not just anything, but a sin struggle. But with the new year very close, the devil has been taking full advantage of my OCD. My mentality has been "struggle with this sin all you want, give into any and all temptation while you still can. Then when the new year begins, you can have a fresh start." What hurts me the most, is that I'm listening. I'm giving in, and in a sense--giving up. When you struggle with sin, the fact of the matter is, it drags you away from God. I have no desire to be in the word because of the guilt that's been building up inside of me. So why title this post "Not to be a Hypocrite, but...."? 

Here's my reasoning: even though I'm not walking closely with the Lord right now and I'm sinning, I'm still able to put on this smiling face and be quite the encourager! People hear my words and they see my smile, and have this assumption that God and I must be pretty tight. Truth be told, we are far from that! Although people may not see it, I feel it. HYPOCRITE.

I've always struggled with wrongly judging others, and being hypocritical. Whether we think we're right or not, judging is wrong. This past year, by no one other than God himself, I've been able to get rid of my judgemental attitude. When people come to me broken over something, or maybe they don't even come to me but I know about their sin or what they've done, I don't have a judgemental thought in me. Rather, my heart truly breaks for them. I know what it's like to wrestle with sin....whether it's hidden or exposed. Maybe it's because I can relate, that I can look past the fact that they're sinning.

Anyways, last night and into today, something hit me. I've always struggled with the idea of forgiveness. I knew God forgave me of anything and everything, but I never really 'felt' it. Most likely because total forgivenss is not something you hear about every day. Or there were times when I truly felt forgiven by God, but I wasn't able to forgive myself. So last night, I found out that I was accepted into the University of Akron (after being nervous for weeks that that would never happen)! A complete answer to prayer! Also, this past week I was really worried about exams, especially my college math exam. I kept telling myself to pray and ask God to help me do well, but all I thought was "why would God ever be gracious enough to help me after all the sin I've committed?" Just this morning I found out that I got an A on my math exam. An A!! Never in my life have I gotten an A on an exam, so for me to get an A on my first college exam was incredible! It was then that I couldn't help to remember: what a gracious and forgiving God I serve! That was truly a humbling experience. There is no doubt that God knows all He has to do to break me, and humble me.

So why do I share all this? Well, I feel like today I'm breaking free! No more waiting until the New Year to stop sinning. No more guilt, no more shame. Am I nervous about failing? Heck yes! But I'm trying, and right now that's the best I can do. I'm sorry for acting like a hypocrite. I'm sorry for acting like I had it all together. I pray that I can change all that today.

Friendship

Lately I've been wrestling at school with the area of friendship because I'm different. I'm different in the fact that my faith is a huge part of my life when I tend to be surrounded by "claim-to-be" Christians. As the weeks have gone on, I've allowed it to drag me down. My friends will act one way around me because they don't want to offend me, or they won't tell me things because they don't want me to judge them.

I am no longer one to judge; God is the only true and fair judge so who am I to compare to that? I think it hurts so much because I feel like I don't know anything about them anymore. I want to be someone they can come to when they need advice, I want to be someone that they can cry to while I simply sit there and comfort them. I love my friends and I hate to see them hurting.

Some of my friends I fear will go off to college and get involved with drinking and sex, and think nothing of it. They've made decisions based on which colleges will allow that. It's so sad to think that our group of little, innocent girls is slowly giving into wordly desires, all the while tearing apart friendships and increasing the distance between us all.

I don't know if any of you can relate; if you can, know that I'm praying for you because it's no fun to go through this. Or maybe you're reading this and you've already been through it...any advice? 

Comments appreciated. Thanks guys!

It's All About You

This post is exactly what the title says-- "It's all about you!"  I want any of you reading this, to fill this post with as many comments as you can. These can be random comments, questions, what I should blog about, what my average day looks like, I don't care. It's up to you! Sound like a plan? 
                                                          HAPPY COMMENTING :) 

P.S. If you're too scared to comment, or embarrassed to reveal that you've been reading my blogs, that's cool too. Just leave your name as anonymous. Totally fine :P

reality check

Fact. We all struggle with sin. I put sin into two different categories. First, visible sin. Second, hidden sin. Something I've wrestled with for quite some time is the fact that we have leaders in our youth group, let alone in our whole church who we're supposed to look up to. In reality, I know that many of these leaders are not following Christ in their day-to-day lives. I'm supposed to trust these people and view them as role models, but how can I do that when some of them are out drinking or going to clubs on weekends? Is that the example I should see and follow? Obviously not.

The previous paragraph gives an example of what I call "visible sin." It's the sins like partying and drinking, gossip and foul language. We can see it, or know about it, and it's visible. Then there's what I call "hidden sin" that I would be so sure as to say all of us struggle with. It's those sins that make us feel guilty and full of shame; things like pornography and masturbating, cutting or making ourselves throw up.

God has really convicted me in the area of judging others. It's something that we naturally do, whether it's out loud or things we think in our head. For the longest time I've judged these leaders that we're supposed to look up to because I know about their sin. However, I am just as guilty. I may not struggle with visible sin, but i'm human; I struggle with hidden sin. What I've made myself remember is that God forgave me and everyone else who has seeked out His forgiveness--that's a lot of forgiving!! As a result, I need to forgive these people in my heart and not hold onto bitterness or anger.

Confrontation. Another nasty word none of us like to hear. But God calls us to confront each other out of love. I don't know about you, but having someone tell me i'm wrong, or that i've messed up, or that I need to change, isn't exactly my favorite thing. Reality is, I have to deal with that. As believers, God calls us to be humble, and to be willing to receive criticism. When we do these things, we become stronger and overall better people. As for "the confronters", confrontation needs to be in love, it's not something to do out of anger or in a mean way. Chances are, the person you're confronting will respond better if it's done in love.

I know these last few paragraphs have been seriously deep, but these things have been so heavy on my heart. I'm nowhere near perfect, nor am I good at confrontation. In fact, I'm almost afraid of it because I fear losing a friend or offending someone. I'm sure you feel the same way, but never let that stop you! I pray that reading this wouldn't upset you or sadden you, but rather encourage you to pursue Christ. Pray about sin in your life, and also the sin in other people's lives. Pray about confrontation and for the people you may need to confront.

Again, I'd love to hear from any readers out there. Let me know what you think! :)

wisdom teeth no more

Yesterday morning, I went in to have my wisdom teeth removed. To be 100% honest, the surgery itself did not scare me at all. In fact, it was simply the IV needle that had me worried. My entire life I've had a fear of needles; I allow myself to overthink about them to the point where I could almost pass out.

Today, is my first day after surgery. Looking back, I think about the Bible verse that tells us not to be anxious or nervous about anything; but in all things, by prayer and petition, give your worries to God. I know that's not the exact wording, but I'm sure you get the point. I had let myself become so nervous and so anxious that I wasn't giving my worries to God. I'm a little sore today, and my cheeks are puffy, but I'm fine. I made it.

To think that I had gotten so worked up about surgery is crazy. Yes I'm human, and having your wisdom teeth pulled is major surgery, but with God I don't need to be so nervous to the point of passing out.

I just felt like sharing a little bit about what God continues to teach me. I feel like lately it's been a lot about fear and nervousness, and how to deal with them. I'm blessed everyday by God's constant teachings and life lessons! I hope these blog posts are encouraging to each of you as well!