On Track Devotional: UNITY

December 2, 2011

"UNITY"
In today's On Track Devotional (OTD) I read Acts chapter 2. It starts off talking about all the people that had come together for Pentecost. All of these people spoke different languages, yet amazingly they all understand their native languages. Some thought the people were drunk, but it was clearly the power of the Holy Spirit. Peter points out that it is the power of the Holy Spirit. He quotes the prophet Joel: "In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people..."
Later on in the chapter it talks about repenting and being baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And as a result, you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The crazy awesome part of the chapter is that those who accepted Peter's message were baptized. There were around three thousand in total. Praise the Lord!

The chapter closes off discussing the unity of believers. "All the believers were together and had everything in common." I thought that was really cool. As believers, we have everything in common. We are trying to live lives that are pleasing to God and in a way that brings Him honor. That's all that matters. These believers would meet together every day in the temple courts and eat together, praising God and enjoying the favor of all people. The chapter ended with "And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

I really enjoy the last part of the chapter when it talks about unity and how the Lord saves more and more people as a result. I think it's really important that we as believers are united together. Often times, we get caught up in our differences or personal lives that we forget about what it's all about. The fact is, it's not about us. It's about God, our Lord and Savior. My prayer today is that the church body would focus our attention on Christ and pleasing Him, rather than the things that we should or shouldn't do, can or cannot do.

That is all. Short. Sweet. To the point. Enjoy your Friday everyone!

Listen Up

Just when I thought it was over, I hear about more people talking behind my back. If you're upset that I moved out and left you behind, call me and we'll discuss the matter. Sending me messages and letters so you don't have to face me, or acting like everything's okay doesn't solve anything. Also, talking to your other friends doesn't help either....one way or another it's gotten back to me.

Christians, you have hurt me time and again. Not all of you, but some. Look, I'm sorry that I moved out....my home life sucked. If you know me, you'd know that. I moved out to get away from the stress and I'm happy here. I'm away from the drama, the emotional abuse, and the pain of feeling useless. At college, I've had the chance to pursue God for myself and the ministry opportunities have been awesome. However, I do not have a car. Sorry that I can't come visit you every weekend. Sorry that I have no desire to return to a place where I was unhappy and hurting. If you want me to move back home and suffer through that again, sorry but it's not happening. I see that as somewhat selfish.

The majority of the time, I'm happy. I'm doing just fine. I'm managing my time, spending time in the word, and sharing my faith at least once a day. How many of you can say that you are doing that? I'm not trying to say that I'm better or that i'm 'all that' but I'm happy and doing well.

The reason I blog is to vent my feelings and that's what i'm doing right now. Sadly, the venting is pretty angry. When I get texts and hear that my friends have been talking about me, it hurts. But it's gotten to a point where I'm getting pretty pissed off. If this is how Christians treat other Christians when they go off to college, then I want nothing to do with Christians. I don't want to belong to a group of people that are known for being judgmental and hypocritical.

I don't have the money to afford a car to come visit, nor do I have the desire to be around people that make me feel awkward and left out. I'm glad that some people are able to save their money and commute because their families are just that awesome, but that would have never worked for me.

I'm sorry for those of you who feel left out. I am truly sorry. What would you like me to do? Sure, I'll come visit. Just call me and offer to pick me up. But if i'm going to come visit, don't make me feel awkward. Don't look at me as if i'm different. Maybe I am different. I'm growing up! From what you're reading, I probably look angry and bitter. At the moment, yes...that would be correct. But live with me here for a day and see how well I'm doing. I. am. happy. And i'm not going to let you ruin that.

If just reading this, and you feel concerned CALL ME. Don't go discussing it with other people. But just know that I'm doing well and I'm happy. I can't emphasize how well i'm doing. I'm gaining my independence and a perspective on life that I will never be able to fully explain. God has (clearly) been testing me and my faith has become even stronger as a result. I'm outside of my comfort zone. I left all I knew back home behind, and came out here to college. I'm building new relationships, discovering Jesus in an incredible way, and gaining a sense of who I am. Aside from all the betrayal, I am truly blessed.

As for now, prayers are greatly appreciated :)

Same Old, Same Old

I realize that it's been a while since I have last blogged, and I'm sure you faithful readers are wondering if I'm still alive. If I'm honest, I've been doing the same old stuff and going along with my normal weekly/daily routines.

To recap a little bit....

Monday evening I was able to go to Hartville with the wonderful family that I have previously gone on vacation with. A night away from college was such a blessing. My second mom and her little princess picked me up and brought me home, meanwhile we were able to have some awesome time of fellowship during the car ride. At their house, I was greeted by my favorite little man! Boy did I miss his smiling face, sweet voice, and charming personality! I was also greeted by 3 very cuddly dogs, my second dad, a little princess, and two great friends!  I could not have asked for a better homecoming! We proceeded to have probably one of the best meals I've ever had in my entire life! Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, and bread. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water! It was SO. GOOD. And of course, it was followed by a very delicious cherry dessert! Can you say spoiled? God has truly blessed me with such a great church family. After dinner, more fellowship and some games! I could just go on and on about how great it was!! Oh and I must mention the heated seat on the car ride home....SO GREAT.

Tuesday was another typical day, definitely not as exciting as Monday's adventure. I worked at 8am, went to my normal classes, and gave a speech that night.

Wednesday, same old same old. Finished the evening with my wonderful small group.

Thursday, pretty similar to Tuesday and ended with a great night at Campus Focus.

Friday night was crazy Halloween night at UA. Virginia was finally able to come visit and I was sooo excited about that! We talked and caught up and then we went on a late night Walmart run with some friends. Afterwards we watched some movies which put a lot of us to sleep. Sarah and I took Virginia and our friend RJ back to their cars and then came back to our room. The freezing cold woke us up so we went down to our lobby to work on homework (never happened) and watch the drunks come home. We only had a couple drunk people come home, and I helped them to their rooms and into bed. Then I took Sarah to another residence hall and brought food to my friend who was a CA until 4am.

And now it's Saturday....it's been a pretty laid back day. We had a fire drill at an inconvenient time but that was our only excitement. My roommate Jamie and her fiance Matt have their friend Kevin here, so tonight we're watching scary movies and eating pizza. It should be a fun time! As for now, I'm off to go get pizza!

Worship and Baptism

So tonight I went to The Chapel with my friend Emily and I can't even begin to put into words how wonderful it was. We sat towards the right side in the second row and talked quietly before service started. Then we watched this younger couple with a more punk/hippy style, come running up barefoot, and find a seat in the very front middle row.

When worship began, the usual happened. People stood up and sang, some raised their hands, some clapped----but then I witnessed the coolest thing! The young hippy couple would jump and dance, or kneel on the ground, or sometimes clap! They were not ashamed or afraid to be judged. All they knew was that God was worthy and deserving of their worship and they were going to give Him all that they had. How cool is that? I hope that if I ever feel compelled to dance or jump for joy that I won't be ashamed to worship with all that I am! It was incredible..

But wait! It gets better....

After worship, a man came up and discussed baptism and what it represents. He proceeded to interview a woman who had decided she wanted to be baptized. When Emily and I found out that they were going to baptize her tonight, we both wondered where the water was. However, another song started and we quickly forgot about it.

The worship picked up and I was just in awe of God....during the song, there was an instrumental and the guitarist jumped around and played. Then, he yelled 'GO', pointing to the back wall, and in a split second, the dark black wall between the projector screens lit up. There was a little room with a glass wall-like thing that came up to the man and woman's shoulders. We watched as she was dunked back and then sprung up from the water. Cheers and applause broke out and I found myself tearing up. It was this representation of springing up out of the water (sin) and coming into the air (life). I've never been so excited about a baptism! Then we watched as the two of them prayed together. After a few minutes, the worship continued and the room went black again and hid back in the darkness of the wall.

So there you have it. An incredible evening of worship and baptism. I can't even put into words how incredibly good God is. You just had to be there.

Slacking seems to be the Trend...

So I'm slacking on the blogging, but can you blame me? It's college ladies and gents. College is always busy and always crazy! I can't even remember half of what I did this week, so I'll share the highlights that I do remember.

Highlight #1: MAILLLL!! My aunt sent me a package full of different flavors of gum, a nutrition bar, $5, and a heartfelt letter. Can't complain....I'm a huge mail fan! (Wink wink)

Highlight #2: Tony Tuesday! Whenever church friends visit, you'll hear about it! Thoroughly enjoyed grabbing some Penn Station and catching up with him...then being joined by Rohr and Steve...talk about quality male bonding...plus me? Entertaining to say the least.

Highlight #3: Pastor Joe!!! Getting to show him around campus, and talk with him on a bench in the sunshine for a good hour was such a blessing! Loved and appreciated his godly advice and guidance. Speaking of, it's pastor appreciation month. I APPRECIATE YOU PASTOR JOE!

Highlight #4: CAMPUS FOCUS! Any time I get to spend with other Christians is a BIG deal. I couldn't get through my week without Jesus and Jesus freaks. God is good.

Highlight: WEEKEND! It's only Friday but the weekend is off to a great start! I've eaten way too much in this one night (chips, fruit roll up, ice cream, birthday cake, Ramon noodles, popcorn...) Before you call me fat, just know that when a girl craves....she craves! In addition, I colored some cutesy pictures, cleaned my room,  had some life chats, and watched movies. Tomorrow only gets better. I'm headed to Canton to get my nails done, eat food (yes, more food), and catch up on life with the best friend. Then coming back to Akron to head to my friend's bonfire. Sunday, tops off the weekend...going out to the breast cancer walk in the AM, then campus focus later that night. A great weekend it shall be!

As for now, I'm gonna finish my Ramon, maybe do some homework, and then jump in bed....it's been quite a day! Bye friends (:

Lazy Days

Today has been a pretty laid back day. I woke up around 10:45 and got a quick shower. I came back to my room and just chilled in a tank and boxer shorts. I had every intention of going to my stats class. However, I realized that I had homework due that I had yet to complete. When I started to work on it, I realized that I had no clue what I was doing. I worked at it for a while, making no progress, and missed class as a result. The class I typically have after stats is my communication disorders class. Yesterday I withdrew from the class since I'm switching majors, so up until now, I haven't been to a class yet today. I have one tonight at 5:10, but until then the goal is to catch up if not get ahead, on homework. I have a paper to write for comp II, stats (that I need help on), and a speech. That being said, I'm still not doing homework. I tried to get on my school email to look up my paper requirements, but the system is down so I have no way of doing it.

Other than lounging, I went to lunch with some friends and then went to the Student Union for a depression screening. As a result of the screening, I get extra credit in my psychology class. Who doesn't want extra credit?!

So here I am. 2:42. That's my day. My plan now is to do some devotions and then try to do some other homework that doesn't involve the internet. Wish me luck!

Today's a gorgeous day! So thankful for this beautiful weather.....definitely not looking forward to winter and a snowy campus.

A Week in Review

So my last post was on Tuesday and my goal was to make a post everyday...but as you can see, that didn't work out too well. To make up for the loss, I'll give you an overview of the past few days.

WEDNESDAY:  Started off with my english class at 9:55 and proceeded to my pysch class that starts at 11. After psych, I went straight to my stats lab at 12:05. So from 9:55 to about 1 I was in class. After class, I went with some friends to the student union to grab lunch. We hung out and ate our lunch until around 2, when we headed back to our residence hall. At 3, we have a Success Seminar that lasts until 5pm. After that, Ritchie kids went with the honors kids over to Trackside Grille and had dinner. We had a wonderful dinner together and enjoyed catching up with each other. After the dinner, I went with my friend Mackenzie to a frat and sorority program. The program had a pirate theme and different members of Greek life showed off their talent. When the program ended, a few of us went to the soccer game. Our boys were playing OSU. Bottom line, we whooped their butts 3-1 and went home proud! Later that night, the girls did Zumba, led by our peer mentor, Christine. After the workout, I killed their abs with a workout that a friend had previously taught me. Working out left us energized, so we stayed down in the lobby and worked on homework together. In the wee morning hours, Mackenzie and I went up to Christine's room to hang out. I decided to make a bunch of signs to hang on the janitor's closet while I was in the there. They are always doing their jobs with smiles on their faces and they always say 'good morning.' So why not make them lots of colorful signs to encourage them?

THURSDAY: Thursday mornings are my favorite because I get to sleep in until 11! When I woke up, I got my shower and headed off to my stats class. After stats, I take the 15 minute walk to Polsky for my next class that goes until 3. This Thursday was a little out of the ordinary because my little rabbit daughter had to go to the vet. At 4, my neighbor picked my up and took me home. When I got home, I loved getting to see my little girls. I had missed them soo much! I looked around my room and fought back tears. All my stuff was in boxes out in the hallway. My "SIGN A DOOR" (that I told my mom to never take down) was gone. Everyone that ever came into my room had signed it and left me messages; people from OB and friends from middle school. I felt like my whole childhood was gone. I laid on my bed and it made me realize: 1. how low beds are compared to my college bed and 2. how much I miss, not my house, but my room and all the memories. At 5, it was time to take my little Lacey to the vet to get her teeth trimmed. However, when I was holding Lacey, I realized that her hind legs were raw. My first thought is that the cage isn't being kept clean, so the moisture from her pee was making her feet raw...the vet ended up having me hold her down while he got out a blade and scraped skin from her foot. It was so awful having to hold her down while she fought to get free. The vet and his assistant took her away to trim her teeth and give her a shot to help fight the infection. After the vet, I went home for a little bit before leaving for Walmart with my mom. I picked up some college essentials and headed back. The night concluded with more zumba and an ab workout, followed by bed/

FRIDAY: Friday morning, I woke up for my comp class, only to find out that class had been cancelled. Instead of class, I did my devotions and wrote some encouragement notes for the girls on my floor. Following that, I headed off to my 11am psych class. After psych class I had to work until 3. (Shout out to Mackenzie for bringing me Starbucks at work!) When work was finally over, I came home and hung out with some of my  friends and met their boyfriends that came to visit. Around dinnertime, a group of us went to Rob's for dinner before heading out to "hell town." Hell town is supposedly some old town that was shut down because the people were crazy...I'm not really sure of details. So we piled into two cars and headed out. Getting a little disoriented, we pulled into some gravel parking lot to figure out what to do. In the mean, a cop car pulled in behind us. We sat there waiting for him and he turned on bright lights to see into the car. (I guess two cars piled full of teens on a Friday night looks suspicious.) He walked over, right hand on his gun, and asked for my friend Mike's license, and other questions about where we were going. Mike hesitated to answer and proceeded to lie. The cop then went over to our friend Tyler's car who told the truth. Ironically enough, the cop walked back over to our car and asked if we were going to hell town. Mike lied once again with a 'no', and then the cop responded with 'well the guy in the other car said you were.' Mike was caught in a lie and admitted that we were headed to hell town but didn't want him to think badly of us. (At least we weren't drinking right?!) So once again, we were on our way. We parked and walked down a long dark road that dead ended at a cemetery. A lady told us that it was closed so we turned and walked away. As we were walking, we noticed that the cops were waiting for us. Once again, we were questioned, and asked why we were in a cemetery so late. We were honest with the cop, saying that we didn't go in but left when a lady told us it was closed. However, the lady was the one that had called the cops on us. She lied to the cop saying that we had gone in. Frustrated and done with the cops, we just walked back to our car and headed back to Ritchie. Back at Ritchie, we finished the night with some scary movies. I was so tired afterwards, that I went to bed in my jeans.

SATURDAY: That would be today :) I woke up around 11:30am. I got showered and ready for the day, and just lounged. My friends Sarah across the hall, has a little sister in high school. Her homecoming was today so she came over around 1 for me to do her nails. Her nails looked super cute and I was soo excited for her! At 2:30 a group of us were headed out to a little Fall Festival type thing. We were going to pick apples and do other cute things, but apple picking wasn't open yet. We still had fun picking out pumpkins, taking fall pictures, buying donuts in every fall flavor, and just having a good time together. Afterwards, we drove to a nearby mall to grab some food, and ended up sitting in couches while the boys shopped. (What's wrong with this picture?!) The boys shopped, the girls lounged and socialized. It was a great time. Following shopping we headed out to a haunted hayride. The hayride itself wasn't even scary, but walking around in the open, we were attacked by clowns, guys with chain saws, and a giant clown on stilts! Thank goodness there were three guys with us four girls. A clown came running up to me with a chain saw and within seconds, I found myself hovered up next to the guys, squeezing my eyes shut. Next thing I know, the boys are pushing me toward this giant white tent, full of like foggy mist. The ticket was free, but the other girls had cleverly thrown their tickets away. So here I was, one girl, being pushed towards the tent by three strong guys....I was hopeless. When we reached the tent, I pushed backwards, grabbed Brian's arm with my left hand, and held his hand with my right hand--if I had to go in, he was going down with me. The four of us headed into the tent, but I don't remember much, being that my eyes were closed and I was simply stumbling beside the guys. There was screaming and chainsaws, but apparently it wasn't there scary because the fog was so thick. Opening my eyes, I felt like I was blind. All I could see was white. I looked at Brian, but couldn't see his face either. We finally made it out of the tent, but it turned out that inside the tent was less scary. When I walked out, my vision worked properly again, and seeing clowns and chain saws was worse then the fog. So once again, I froze in terror, and buried myself into Brian. The hayride was next, but it wasn't even scary so I won't even waste my time describing it. After our fun there, we went to Mackenzie's house and met her family. They are such great people! We didn't spend much time with them though because we were ready for a real scary adventure. And what's more scary than her back yard---basically a forest with a narrow trail that lead us right up to a creepy looking stream. With only once flashlight, we huddled together and stumbled into the woods. But once again, boys will be boys and our flashlight guy ran off with the flashlight. The girls were scared so we all put our backs together and linked arms so that all sides of us were accounted for. Thankfully we made our way out of the woods and back to the front porch---a well-lit, safe area. When the night was over, we headed back to our residence hall and watched more scary movies. A lovely day indeed.

Which brings us to Sunday. I started this blog yesterday night, and I'm finally finishing it. It's currently 10:16 in the morning, and I'm getting ready for my mom's surprise party. My sister is picking me up at 11, and then we're off to Canton. It should prove to be a wonderful day!

A Little Twist of Tuesday

I have to stop for a moment and laugh at the title....I wanted to use an alliteration so I was trying to come up with a word to go with Tuesday, using a more creative word than something like 'terrific.'  As I type this blog, I'm eating Synder's Braided Multigrain Twists. (a healthy dorm room snack better than my abundance of mint chocolate ice cream) That aside, I was able to come up with the current title.

So back to Tuesday. The day started off at 6:45 with the sound of my alarm. Still feeling tired from last night's workout, I opted to skip showering and sleep in until 7:30. At 7:30, my alarm sounded once again. Considering I had to work at 8, I had no option of going back to sleep. I threw on a hoodie and capris and sat down at the computer. I had to check facebook to make sure nothing drastic happened in the world while I was sleeping. It was while I was on my laptop that I ate a Clif bar for breakfast and drank some water. I've become a pro at eating a quick breakfast! Time flies when you're on facebook, so when 7:55 rolled around, I quickly grabbed my backpack and keys and ran out the door. Work started at 8.

From 8-10 I sat at the desk, answering the numerous questions of customers, and then began scanning financial aid paperwork for my boss. It's during work, that I have the great opportunity to think about life; an opportunity that otherwise probably wouldn't happen if I didn't work.

After work, I came back to my room and proceeded to take a shower. After showering, I sat down at my desk and pulled out my Bible, journal, and OTD (on track devotional). Today, I started in the book of Matthew. I'm going through the September booklet. As I read Matthew chapter 1, I began to realize how much Joseph allowed God to have control over his life. It wasn't only Mary that was obedient, Joseph was just as obedient and willing. When he found out that Mary was pregnant and thought she was unfaithful, he didn't disgrace her. Rather, he was willing to quietly divorce her to prevent her from being humiliated. He had his own plan, up until he saw an angel of the Lord in his dream. The angel told Joseph to stay with Mary and name their son Jesus. Without putting up a fight, Joseph surrendered and let God take control. It made me realize that there are many areas of my life where I desire to be in control; and it's a fear of losing what I have that keeps me from trusting God. I'm afraid of not having enough money to pay for college or to buy the necessities I need to survive. Or I'm terrified of losing friendships for the fear of being lonely. But God promises to provide for me. The birds don't reap or sow but God gives them food. Again in Jeremiah, God tells me that He desires for me to prosper and He wants to give me a future; He has no intention of harming me. As hard as it is, my prayer today is that I would be able to give God control, especially of my relationships. If I were to lose all my friends, I would still have the God of the Universe...but would I really be okay with just God? I would like to be okay with that one day.

So after some devotions, I finished getting ready and headed out to lunch. I grabbed a to-go box at Rob's and  filled it with what I thought was something healthy and edible. I brought it back and ate in my room, while helping a floor mate deal with a lot of family issues and a recent conflict between her and her boyfriend. I did my best to give her godly advice and encourage her. After that brief psychology session/lunch break, it was off to my 12:15 stats class. I sat through stats trying to stay awake, until class finally let out at 1:30. Fifteen minutes later I have a class in a building that is pretty far away and somewhat in downtown Akron, off campus. My friend Jason and I walk from stats to our communication disorders class, a walk that takes a good 13-14 minutes (if you walk fast). We settle into seats in the back of the lecture hall. It's during this class, that I pull out my laptop and take notes, or check facebook to keep myself awake...class doesn't end until 3.

When class finally lets out, it's a long fifteen minute walk back to my residence hall. I normally walk back with a group of friends, but today I walked alone and called my friend Melissa. I vented to her about how I felt betrayed and that she was one of the only people left who have yet to judge me. It was great catching up with her.

Shoving the key into the doorknob, I was officially back to my room. I threw my backpack against the wall, propped my door open, and sat down at my desk with some pretzal twists and my laptop. It was at this time that I started blogging. But as you can guess, when your door is open it's an open invite for other to stop in....I love company regardless of whether or not i'm doing homework, so my door is always open, ALWAYS. My friend Alex stopped in so we sat and talked, and our conversation was quality girl talk. We talked for a good half hour about birth control! It was quite the conversation, but it ended when more company came in. We were joined by John and Haley, so we talked with them about hall government and different activities going on. After John left, Christine walked in and we talked more about girl stuff. This time, we talked about hair accessories, braiding, and fishtailing...I'm telling you, I have some quality conversations!

After everyone left, I got back to blogging which is what I'm doing now. I have class in about an hour so I'll probably work on homework until then. (I'm a fan of working ahead and getting stuff done on time) When five o'clock comes around, I'll head to my 5:10 speech class that goes until 6:25. After speech class, my friend Mackenzie and I usually head out to dinner at Rob's and catch up on life. Being that it's Tuesday, we have to go back to our residence hall at 7:30 for a MAC (music and comedy) meeting. Each Tuesday at 9:09, there is some sort of entertainment in EJ Thomas hall. As a part of the MAC comedy, we meet and discuss what's going on that night. After our meeting we walk all over the campus passing out flyers and inviting people to come to EJ at 9:09. When the flyers are gone, we head over to EJ ourselves and get ready to welcome in the crowd. The committee makes two lines and forms a tunnel for people to walk through, leading up to the entrance door. We have a lot of fun screaming and being loud!

At 9:09 the event starts, and usually goes until about 10:30. At 10:30, we head back to our hall and hangout in the lobby or in someone's room. If we have homework, we'll usually grab our backpacks and have a homework party in the lobby until some outrageous hour of the night.

When the party disperses we head up to our rooms and get ready for bed. But once again, this is college; just because you're ready for bed, doesn't mean you're going to bed. It usually means that we'll get distracted by some other group that is 'having a party' (socializing) in their room, or we'll talk to people in the bathroom and continue the conversation in their room.

If that doesn't give you enough detail about the everyday college life, then I don't know what you're looking for. And just because I say Tuesday, doesn't mean that this doesn't happen everyday. I'll do my best to post about tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. (Prepare for a treat when I talk about our crazy weekends!) Anyways, my point is---every day is different, but full. I'm surprised that I was able to type the rest of this without another visitor. Which means that once I publish this post, I'm gonna go look for people to see what's going on...it's too quiet.

I hope that this gives you an idea of what I do here at college. I don't mean to hurt anyone or make them feel left out. You just have to try to imagine what life living on campus is like, but you'll never fully understand. Sometimes I wish that more of my friends lived on campus so that they could relate. Maybe then I wouldn't feel as guilty.

As for now, it's back to homework (and looking for people). Actually no, someone just walked in my door. Yay company! :)  Ta ta for now!

Realizations

I've come to a realization today. I was always told that Christians tend to walk away from their faith when they get to college; and I had assumed that that was because of all the temptations, the worldly influences, and the distance away from their home church. However, my thinking has totally changed. I now feel that Christians in college tend to fall away because the church doesn't always 'remember' and seek to keep in touch with the student that has gone off to college. I think it's much easier for the church to reach out to the student, than it is for the student to reach out to the church. A college student is constantly busy and involved in the chaos of dorm life. Either way, I'm not trying to place the blame on anyone.

I sat at work today for four hours. Being that we weren't busy, it was a great time to just sit and think. As much as I talk about how strong I am in my faith, I've developed a feeling of loneliness and betrayal. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I have here and I'm always with people. But deep down, I long for Christians. I long to be reached out to and encouraged. Instead, I feel like as my life goes on here at college, my friends and family back home have moved on without me.(makes me think of OB) Which they should--I don't expect them to be thinking of me all the time because I rarely have the opportunity to think about life back home. But here I am, feeling lonely and betrayed. I feel like no one has faith in me anymore...and I blame myself for that. Since when should I feel guilty for making friends, being social, getting involved at school, and working? I don't know where else to go.

I'm sitting in a room with five other girls, having the time of my life. They see the hurt and they know that I'm blogging and are just as confused with why I'm being treated this way. I love these girls. I've made great friends here, but I still have a place and a hole in my heart for the people back home. I just wish I knew if they felt the same. The notes that talk about my lack of faith seems to outweigh the encouragement notes and so the encouragement doesn't even encourage anymore.

I'm going to try my hardest to blog each night to keep them updated. If that's what they're looking for, I'm going to try my best to do that. Maybe a blog of my daily life would be more exciting and encouraging than my depressing complaints.

Until then, it's back to homework. Pray that God would comfort and encourage me when I'm needing it most.

And they'll never understand....

So college itself has been great. I'm staying busy. Really busy. When I'm not doing homework or studying, I'm usually sleeping. If i'm bored for even a second, I make plans with whoever seems to be in the hall or someone will call for me to go hangout. I understand that I have been terrible at keeping in touch with the people back home, and i'm sorry. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't live on campus what it's like. They will never understand how much fun it is....there is never a dull moment.

I'm sorry that all they've heard has been negative or if the lack of communication makes you think i'm screwing around. Yes, I made poor decisions when I first got here. I got involved with a guy who is not a Christian, but I had strong feelings and did what I wanted. It's a secular school and so I was encouraged to pursue him...but such is life and I learn from my mistakes. 

My faith has been under a lot of stress and I've been through a lot of trials lately. But as my life verse says (James 1:2-3) the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Because of everything going on, I have had to choose my faith for myself. It's no longer what my parents are enforcing or the social excitement of youth group. It's MY faith. It's my own. I've done my best to be an example to the girls on my floor and I'm seeking to start a floor bible study.

I have a prayer pouch on my door where people can drop off prayer requests. I write a bible verse on my door each morning. I tell you these things not to brag or show off like the Pharisees did. I tell you about these things because it seems that everyone at home is starting to doubt me. I'm getting texts, letters, or messages saying that i'm not keeping in touch, and for that I am truly sorry. The chaos and excitement of life has sucked me in and i'm loving every second. Not hearing from me does not mean that i'm hiding off at college, ashamed to tell those at home what's going on. It is the simple fact that i'm busy and preoccupied. I've made it a point to make new friends here and impact others for Christ. 

I understand that my blogs may have been depressing, but my blog was initially made as a way for me to vent, without annoying people on facebook. Blogging is basically me venting without anyone saying anything back to me. Hopefully this blog is more upbeat and it reassures everyone that I'm doing well. I really, truly am. College life is great. God is still good. Oh, speaking of God....campus focus tonight was SO good! One of the best sermons I've ever heard. That's all for now. It's time for homework. Such is college life. Over and out :)

One Month In

I've been at college for a little over a month now, and I'm settling into my own little routine. I'm not sure what exactly to write about in my blog. So much goes on here that it's hard to keep up and remember all the details. My residence hall has become like family and my door is always propped open. People are constantly stopping in to talk and I love the sense of community here. With the closeness, there's no doubt we have drama. Strong personalities don't mesh well, and the quiet ones are frustrated with being walked on. Last night we had a floor meeting with all the girls and did a bonding activity to bring us back together. Our leader emphasized that these could be people that down the road end up in our weddings, or hold our first child. She reminded us of the day that we all moved in. None of us knew each other, but we were excited to change that and make new friends. Here we are now, and we've done just that. We've developed friendships, some stronger than others, but we've made friends nonetheless. I've stayed out of the drama, but my door has been open and I've let people vent to me when they need someone to be there. I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. I've realized how much I have a heart for the hurting and the lost. I've learned that I actually do  know how to be quiet and simply listen, and listening allows you to learn so much about other people. Granted, I'm not stupid. I know that some people think they can fool me or manipulate me because of my kindness, but I do have a head on my shoulders and thoughts going through my head. I have promised these girls that I will never judge them, and I mean that 100%, but I still have thoughts and I process a lot of what I hear.

I've grown to love these girls as well as our guys. The boys keep our hall alive. We have people riding down the halls on scooters and rollerblades, and foam darts being shot at our butts, but all in all we love them like family. They have proven to be true gentlemen and take care of us as if we we're their little sisters. They help us when we want to rearrange our rooms, or unloft our beds. They give us strong hugs when we're feeling upset. And then cheer us up with some corny joke. I can't help but to love my college family.

Last night though, I finally broke down. I haven't cried since I've been here, and I've tried to be strong. But the truth is, the world outside of college is still going on while I'm here. I found out a couple days ago that my dad's cancer came back. Sitting in shock when my mom told me, I was at a loss for someone or something to cling to. I felt like the world was spinning around me, and I couldn't slow anything down. I fear for him and the thought of having no one to walk me down the aisle, or a grandpa for my children makes my stomach sick. But I chose to be strong in that moment and told my mom that God would heal him. Whether or not my own faith was strong, I knew that my family needed some hope. I hate that I can't be with my dad and I hate that he has to miss me so much. It makes me feel guilty for moving out, and I question whether or not moving out was the right decision; even though I'm so happy here and couldn't imagine moving back home. In addition, (as cheesy as it sounds) I miss my rabbits...they're like my daughters. The one has problems with her teeth and she isn't able to eat right now because they're so overgrown. My mom isn't too worried about them and  I  wish I was home to take her to the vet. Adding to all of this, I feel like I'm losing my church. I went home last Wednesday only to feel judged and somewhat replaced. As much as I was missed, I didn't feel like I belonged any more. All I wanted was to rekindle the godly relationships that are lacking here at college. The majority of students here aren't passionate about their faith, it's merely something they 'call' themselves. I've been strong so far, and gone to Campus Focus (that I absolutely love), but last night everything came tumbling down. I broke down and cried for the first time. My RA and roommate held me as the tears rolled down my face, and I tried desperately to catch my breath. I'm only 19. I can't handle the thought of losing my father, leaving behind my furry little daughters, and not belonging to the church that I had invested so much time in. I had finally hit my breaking point.

I don't know where I'm going from here, but I know that I need to be seeking God more than ever. It doesn't matter how overwhelming the homework becomes or how busy my schedule is. If I don't have faith, I don't know what else there is to have. Pray for me as I continue on my college journey and seek to strengthen my faith. I had like six people in my room the other night and they were so curious about the whole God thing. With questions that I couldn't answer, I called my pastor. (They were shocked that I can just call him up on the phone! Lol) After Pastor Joe spoke over speaker phone, they were dying to meet him! So here I am, a midst all my trials and I have people wanting to know about Jesus. I'm praying that I could be strong for them and set an example of what it truly means to follow Christ. I'm letting that encourage me and build me up when I'm feeling down. This has proven to be one challenging and emotional, but totally worth it journey and I know that God has me here for a reason.

College Life

I've been at college for almost a month now, and I'm loving every second. Each day has become routine. The alarm goes off, I hit snooze once or twice until I finally decide to wake up. I pull my glasses out from the pouch hanging off my bunk and grab my contacts to put them in so I can see. I sit up and stretch, hit my head on the ceiling, and then climb down the ladder to the floor. I grab my shower caddy and towels, and open the door only to be blinded by the ever bright hall lights. Putting in the code to the bathroom, I walk in, set my things down and turn on the water to heat it up. After my shower, my flip flops squeak down the hall until I get back in my room. Each walk is a gamble, as I'm praying that there on no guys on the girls' floor to see me in my towel. If my roommate is still sleeping when I get back, I take my hair supplies and make up back down to the bathroom to get ready without having to wake her. If she's already up, I start to get ready in the corner that has become my little dressing station.

Each day has its own schedule. Mondays, I have two morning classes and I'm done by noon. Tuesdays, I'm in class from 12:15-3:00pm, only to have a final class later at 5:10. Wednesdays are a little busier; I have three back to back classes ranging from 9:55 to 12:55, followed by my last class at 3:20. Thursdays are the same as Tuesdays, and Fridays are the same as Mondays. In addition, I work an average of ten hours a week; a light work load, but it keeps me busy nonetheless.

Why do I share all of this? Well, partly just so you know what has been going on in my life, but also just because I felt like writing about it :)

The past couple of weeks have been an adjustment, but for me, it's been a pretty easy one. Some girls are homesick, but I'm sick of home. I've visited maybe twice, but my visits were pretty brief....after all, I had moved out to get away. I feel like I fit right in here, and I love the community setting. I love walking down the halls hearing something like, "Julie! What's up?! How was your class?" Or "Julie, are you free? Let's do dinner!" I love not being told to go to bed, but rather I can stay up late if I'm needing to do lots of homework. I fully understand that for some people, it's a struggle to stay on task and manage time efficiently, but for me, it just comes naturally. I'm motivated to do well and prove to my professors  that I mean business and will take their class seriously.

However, college hasn't been 100% perfect. I must admit that I hadn't been to church or a youth group until last night when I went to Campus Focus. As a result, I began to lower my standards. I'm surrounded by profanity and I often find myself forming a word only to question what I was about to say. I'm also surrounded by relationships, making patience very difficult. In fact, I'm pursuing a relationship right now knowing all too well that it is wrong. Out of this, I'm realizing just how important it is to stay rooted in your faith. I haven't read my Bible in quite some time and my prayer life is lacking.

Then I went to Campus Focus. Campus Focus is a group of college students (not even a group, there's hundreds of us!) that meet Thursday nights at the Chapel. The worship reminds me of a summer youth conference and the speaker is just like listening to a youth pastor. Last night, was my first real time spent with God since I've been here. If anything, I was discouraged in myself. I never thought I would start to fade so fast. BUT, God is still pursuing me and I'm ready to pursue Him right back. There are so many beautiful spots on campus that I could sit outside and do my devotions every morning. I'm excited for where God will lead me. I'm excited to get a bible study going with some of the girls on my floor (there's so many of us that go to CF and two of them have daily bible verses on their door!), and maybe even have that group grow into a residence hall bible study. Who knows what God has in store with all of this? But I do know that He has a plan, and I'm ready to take part in that.

On My Own

Well, I've been living on my own for one week, as of today. I'm living out in Akron about five minutes from campus, in my sister's boyfriend's house while they're in Texas. (Technically I'm house/dog sitting, but I've moved all my stuff out of my house.) Nonetheless, I'm no longer living with my family. Tomorrow I'm moving from this house to my dorm later in the afternoon, and I couldn't be more excited! I've been growing spiritually and enjoying the peace and quiet here, but I do miss being around people. I think this whole week has proven to me that I can do it. Obviously I don't have the finances to be living on my own, but that's about the only thing holding me back. I've been managing my time, taking care of two crazy dogs, making my own meals, doing my laundry, keeping the house clean....I can't begin to explain how happy I've been out here. And tomorrow, it's all about to change.

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting my roommate and the rest of the Emerging Leaders for the first time in person. I'm big into meeting new people, so this is right up my alley. Plus, I get to be whoever I want to be. From day one, I can show that I'm a Christian and passionate about living my life for Jesus Christ. No more being shy. No more being a hypocrite or acting ashamed of my faith. This past week of living on my own, has given me plenty of time to study God's word and pray about the future ahead. I'm excited to be around people again, even though it means sacrificing this house with my own bedroom (kind-sized bed...that's right, king-sized!), my own bathroom, nice little kitchen, and living room with a TV. All so that I can be squeezed into a tiny room with another person, a bathroom down the hall, and food that's a five minute walk away. But that's what I've been wanting, so there's no complaining on my part. I think it'll be a lot of fun and a stretching experience...God didn't call for us to be comfortable, but rather uncomfortable; putting ourselves out there and being bold for our Savior!

I appreciate any prayers. God is going to be doing some amazing things, maybe even some scary things. I'm ready to face the challenge head-on and be the person that God desires for me to be!

Hurting

When I write my blog posts, I automatically think about people reading it and whether or not it would be worth their time. With this one, I figured I'd include some stories for entertainment purposes rather than just a whole 'venting session' as I'm feeling the need to do so.

 Soooo, Akron. As many of you have read, my move-in date is fast approaching, and now it's even closer. My sister's boyfriend has a house right by campus and will be going out of town next Friday and headed to Texas. Ergo, he needs a house/dog sitter....yep, you guessed it! That person is going to be me. So in regards to moving out of my house, that happens next Friday. I'll be living at his house for about a week before I actually move my stuff from his place to my dorm. Trying to pack up my entire life and move out is somewhat stressful, but extremely exciting! Going along with the topic of Akron, I met with my adviser this past Tuesday. Where do I even begin? So my mom drives me out there and basically pulls up to the building and kicks me out of the car. As you all may know, we do not get along and on the way out to Akron I had kindly asked her to support me and go into this huge, easy-to-get-lost-in building. My request being denied, I was on my own. I made my way to a lobby and asked for directions to my adviser's office. After taking an elevator and wandering down some hallways, I miraculously made it to my adviser's lobby. I proceeded to ask the lady at the desk how to get to my adviser's office, only to find that the lady at the desk was not the friendliest. Each hallway looked the same and I felt as if I was walking through a maze. "Okay. Go left, turn right, go to the end of the hall, turn left and look for the number," I repeated the directions over and over in my head, yet somehow I was not headed in the right direction. Trying to stay calm, I made my way back to the lobby. On the way there, I passed two ladies talking and gave them a smile, trying my best to be friendly and win their approval. After finally arriving back at the lobby, I said, "I'm sorry. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. I wasn't able to find her office." Well apparently I had not impressed little miss desk lady because she looked at me like I was stupid and rudely said, "Do you not know your left from your right?!" Trying once again to be kind I replied, "Yeah, I'm sorry...I went to Hoover. I guess I'm just bad with directions. I'm so sorry to bother you again."  Clearly, I was not liked. She basically talked down to me and repeated the directions. So once again I'm headed through the maze trying to find one simple office. I passed the two talking ladies (smiling again at them) and finally arrived at the office door. Such a relief! I knocked. No answer. Standing outside the door, a lady with glasses and short hair approached me....it was one of the two talking ladies I had just smiled at. And guess what, SHE was my adviser. Feeling like an idiot, I followed her into her office (a hot tiny room with stacks of papers and binders everywhere), and sat on the one open chair. Her computer and desk chair were right in front of me, so whenever she looked at her computer all I saw was the back of her head. She maybe looked me in the eye one time...otherwise, she talked at her computer and I just sat patiently behind her thinking she might eventually turn around, but she never did. After working out my schedule, I was ready to be out of there. (And yes, I got lost finding my way out of her office and back to the lobby) I was embarrassed, frustrated, and discouraged. I didn't feel welcome. I didn't feel important. I was just another student that they probably viewed as a dumb blonde that would soon become a college party animal. After leaving the lobby, I called my mom to figure out a meeting place. When I looked at my phone, I found like 7 messages from her that read: "Did you find it?" "Where are you?" "Are you okay?" "Julie, why aren't you answering me??" "Please call me!" "Julie I'm worried"  "Are you okay?!?"  So obviously I called her right away, and gave her a brief  "I'm fine where are you?". We met up and headed back to the van. It was in on the way home that my emotions let loose. We fought and cried the entire way. I told her that I felt abandoned and embarrassed and told her all that I had just been through. Seconds after I began talking, my tears started. While I was lost in the halls and finding my way around, she was scared that I had been mugged or kidnapped. (I was 20 minutes early so that if I did get lost, I would still be at my appointment on time.) She had assumed that I found it and was waiting in a lobby so I would be able to text her; it's when I didn't reply that she got scared. Out of my anger, I said "well geez mom! I asked you to come with me but you totally neglected me and threw me out on my own! I mean, what are you gonna do when I live here full time?? Today I was in a building...you should be more worried about me walking to classes!" She broke down and told me that she was worried and can't believe how soon I'll be leaving. She apologized for leaving me on my own because she thought I wanted my independence. Again, I yelled "Yes I want independence! But when I freaking reach out to you and want you there with me, freaking take it! I needed you and you let me down!" Blah blah blah the conversation went on but I'll save you all the details and drama...it's too much for me to handle so I'll save you guys the trouble.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I move out next Friday. So tonight I once again reached out for my mom. She wasn't busy, she was just sitting at the computer. I asked her if she was busy and if she could help me figure out how to pack all my things up. I was actually in the mood to spend time with my mom. (Rare, but it happens) I guess I'm understanding that she really does care, I've always known that...she just never shows it so it's hard to believe. With only a week left, I'm trying to give her a chance. But over and over she pushes me away when I'm reaching out. Guys, it hurts. It hurts so badly that it makes me sick. I try so hard to do things wither her, but it seems like she's too lazy to give me the time of day. So this is it. I'm moving out. I'm growing up. Who knew time would go by so fast? I'm still somewhat in disbelief. I'm ready to start my life and be an adult, but it sucks not having the support of a family.

 I question God more than anything. When my heart aches and hurts this bad, I cry out and plead with Him. And when I struggle to find Him, I get discouraged. I'm going off to college. I need a strong relationship with Christ now more than ever. I don't want to get caught up in the 'college life' and push away God's arm when He reaches out to me. I need your prayers. Know that I appreciate them. Thanks for letting me vent/story tell This is what I'm going through and dealing with at the moment.

I am seeking God and enjoying my friends. They are a great support and I appreciate all of them. I'm trying my best to be full of God's unspeakable joy. It's not always easy, but I'm growing and getting stronger through all of life's trials. James 1:2-4

Blessings

The days continue to wind down until i'm off to college. My countdown is at 22 days! I found out my roommate yesterday, and I'm really excited to get to know her. I was worried about having a mean roommate or someone that I wouldn't click with. But from my facebook talks with her, she is a pastor's kid and she loves to be goofy. (We're gonna be best friends!) She said she's not super strong in her faith, but I hope to influence her and help her to grow and be passionate about Jesus Christ.

On another note, I just got back from Momentum youth conference this past Sunday. This was my 6th year attending and probably one of the best ones I've been to! I don't even know where to begin....we took one of our biggest groups so far, maybe around 20 people all together? It was neat to listen during youth group time and hear all that God was doing in their lives. The Holy Spirit was truly moving in the hearts of both students and leaders. Their passion to reach their friends for Christ, while strengthening their relationship with the Lord was absolutely incredible! The theme was ONE...which was to symbolize that each of us should be investing all that we have into a non-believing friend and guiding them towards a personal relationship with Christ. Within a day of being back, my 'ONE' has already accepted Christ and many other students were already sharing their faith with their person. I get emotional because looking back on previous years, the 'Momentum' seemed to fade away or our group just wasn't seeking Christ, but rather looking to have a good time. So I left this week feeling encouraged and excited! I was also able to forgive a friend and confess some mistakes that I had made a long long time ago. It was sort of strange how I had prayed for this person all week and was suddenly convicted and felt the need to apologize for things that happened years ago. But nonetheless I'm thankful that I was able to get that off my chest. We do communion on the last night, so it was cool to go into that with a clean slate and feeling free from sin and guilt. I definitely learned a lot about myself and God through the speakers, daily experiences, and worship.

God continues to bless me even this week as I'm teaching a VBS class at our church. I have such a huge spot in my heart for children so teaching them about Jesus is one of the greatest things in the world. They have brought so much joy to me already, and it's only Wednesday. My goal is to have at least one accept Christ before the week is over.

And finally, I want to encourage any of you reading this to spend time in God's word every day. It's through his word that we are able to better understand His will for us. I find that when I'm consistent in doing my devotions and spending time in the Bible, God draws me closer and I can hear His voice louder than ever. And when I'm not, I get in the habit of doing my own thing and God doesn't usually fit in a schedule that's being filled with TV, facebook, and friends. Those things aren't bad, but when I spend more time doing those things than pursuing God, I'm aware that I'm becoming distant from Him.

So I'm praying for myself and my faithful readers this week....that we would meditate on God's word, pray always, and share our faith TODAY. One of my friends convicted me when I told him "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I'm really busy today" and he replied "she could die tomorrow." As terrible as it sounds, that is the truth. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.

4th of July

This post won't be too long...but I'm beginning to think that I say that a lot.

...so the other night, I went to a family's house for the 4th of July. It's the same family I was able to go on vacation with, so I hold them very near and dear to my heart. But last night, I was laying out on the hammock  with my little Colton and Mason as worship music played in the background along with the chatter of family around the bonfire. The stars were absolutely incredible, and I felt like I was in heaven. I guess it may sound cheesy, but it's moments like that where I begin to imagine what my family will be like. Will I be the mom who has her house open to company, feeds the company, and simply enjoys being surrounded by family? I sure hope so!

I'm soo thankful for this family, especially the parents. Their dad is always giving me hugs and telling me he enjoys seeing me. He's always making me feel special. And their mom, is my discipler. She has shown me what it means to love a family and raise children in a godly way. Even their uncle! I mean, I go to shake his hand and he gives me a hug and says "Don't shake my hand....we spent a week in Florida together! Give me a hug."  I am simply blessed. I couldn't ask for a better 4th of July!

BIG Thank You

So yesterday was my grad party and sadly it caused a lot of chaos before the event itself. But I was so thankful for how well it went yesterday! So many people were there and it was great to be surrounded by such a great support group. A lot of the people I've known since I was a baby, or I've known throughout high school. Family, friends, my church family....I couldn't help but to feel blessed.

Talk about blessings, these people give....and give....and give some more. I guess I've done my share of complaining, be it about finances, or family, or stress. But I really have so much to be thankful for. I was talking with a friend the other day, and she reminded me that no matter what, God has plans for me to prosper. He doesn't want to harm me. And whether or not God's will for me was to live on campus and quite possibly face a great deal of debt, He will use me where I am.

I really don't have much left to say. I just had to blog about how blessed I felt today as I opened cards and gifts. So blessed that I was overwhelmed by emotion and couldn't contain it. I've never been a huge giver myself. I've always desired to give, but felt like I really had no money or creative abilities to make some 'stellar scrapbooked card.' So here I am, opening these cards and people are giving! People that I love and care about, and some that I can guarantee I've hurt in the past. So this is my blog's way of thanking you. I am working on two pages worth of thank you cards. If anything, I hope to encourage these people and show how much I truly appreciate and am thankful for all they've done and given me. It may not be a cute little fancy card, but I'm hoping my writing and colorful markers make up for that :)

Thank you Lord for blessing me with so many great people in my life!

Concerts, Cleaning, and First Aide.

Last night our church had a concert and charged $3 admission to raise money for our youth going to Momentum this summer. Talk about a great idea! There were lots of people and the bands were incredible. I was praying for the event before it happened, and then praising God after it happened. I began to realize that simply having a concert in our church was a testimony in itself. Seeds are planted and those who attended hopefully see that our church's doors are always open. Watching the bands from the sound board as we worshiped, I prayed that God would stir up the hearts of the people. It was something new for me, and it was cool to worship from the back of the sanctuary! (AND no one could hear my terrible singing haha)

After the concert, our youth group and youth staff were quick to clean up and put things back where they belong. But quick doesn't always mean safe, as one of our guys stepped on a screw. Our sanctuary's pews are bolted into the floor so when they are removed and taken out, screws are left sticking out of the floor. As the guys (or should I say strong men), were carrying the million pound pews back in, a bare-foot Josh stepped right down on a screw. Needless to say, I had to leave the sanctuary and pull myself together. I was worried not only for Josh's sake, but for my own sake and not passing out. Luckily, I was able to put on my 'mom face' and go in to talk to him...avoiding any sight of his foot and bloody paper towels. Lesson learned, the rest of us put our shoes on and continued working after Josh was taken to the E.R. From facebook updates, he is doing well.

Cleaning continued as Virginia and I swept the sanctuary and picked up trash and the occasional half-full water bottles. Charlie worked on the stage and all the sound equipment, as us girls would have no clue what to do with all that! As I swept the sanctuary, I thought back to two summers ago when I went on a trip called Operation Barnabas. I missed the days of serving with my team, but from that summer I learned what it meant to be a true servant. Our hearts should be humble and things shouldn't need to be asked of us. I've grown to enjoy cleaning and working to get tasks done fast and efficiently. I'm thankful for a healthy body and the God-given abilities that allow me to do pretty much anything....except lifting pews.

Praise God for an awesome fundraiser, an okay Josh, and the abilities we have to serve!

College Crazies

The days until college continue to wind down. The excitement of graduating high school has begun to wear off, and I'm finalizing all the details of my future at the University of Akron. Loans have been filed for, dorm supplies are being purchased, and I'm feeling anxious to move out. It seems as though ever since I was a little girl I have wanted nothing more than to move out. I'm not the typical Christian girl with a perfect Christian family. In fact, my family is far from perfect. I've never really felt like I fit in. You have my dad. An athletic, sports-loving, phys ed teacher and coach. My two brothers. Both play baseball, and between the two of them they play golf, basketball, and football. My mom, who isn't exactly an athlete, but she is the mom and therefore we are basically her prize possessions. That leaves me. A blonde, school nerd, who loves Jesus, shopping, and making my friends laugh. I've tried volleyball, took years of pitching lessons (and was never once on a softball nor did I try out), and quite frankly, didn't fit in. However, growing up in this family has made me quite the competitor. I LOVE getting down and dirty, and playing tackle football or wrestling with my brothers until I've beat them both and leave as the winner. I tell the story only to give you a feel for where I'm coming from. I'm not one to complain and I know that I could have it so much worse. I'm glad that I went through what I have. It's made me independent and willing to be my own person.

I think a lot of times people assume that Christians have it made. I mean, why else would they be so happy and always smiling? Truth is, it's only because of Jesus Christ. Or maybe, we're pretending. That's right, I said it....some Christians have crappy lives, or they're simply faking the smile.

If I'm honest, I will tell you that I've had days where I've wanted to give up. I can't count the number of times where I thought life was too hard and I was angry with God. Truth be told, I would be so angry or upset that I felt like suicide was the answer. When I was over the idea of suicide, I toyed with thoughts of being a party animal. I wanted to completely rebel, forcing God to grab a hold of me and break me. I thought that if God broke me and He was all I had, then maybe, just maybe God would change my life and I would be a better Christian.

Here I am today. Suicide is never the answer, and neither is rebeling. The more I pursue a relationship with my heavenly Father, the more I feel His presence. When I'm not in the word for weeks, or even months I don't feel like i'm missing anything. I don't have a desire to read my Bible or even pray. But when I'm pursuing Christ and reading my Bible every day, I am in God's will. I can hear his subtle whispers, and I know when I miss a day of being in the word. I think sometimes as Christians, we get so busy or life is going great that we tend to forget about God. We give Him our scraps, or sometimes we don't even do that. And then the second life comes tumbling down, we run for Him. Often times blaming Him for life's struggles. I mean, this is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE and we're treating Him like He's just another person. I guess I say all of this because I want other believers to be pursuing God. I know that if we're all in the word and encouraging each other, God could use us in incredible ways. But if we're simply living life and giving God the scraps, then who are we to call ourselves Christians?

This summer, I'm pursuing God. College is seeming stressful, finances are tight, and lots of things seem to be crashing right in front of my eyes. I'm questioning my decisions and wondering how I'll ever make it through. But God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He doesn't want me to worry about tomorrow. I know that  no matter what, God will use me and He'll make me stronger by bringing me through trials. I want to encourage any of you reading this, not to let life bring you down. Don't get to a point where you're considering suicide or completely rebeling. Neither will get you anywhere. Give your struggles and your worries to God. Get a discipler that can hold you accountable. But most of all, trust Him.

Summer

It's officially been one month and one day since I posted in this blog. And that's for a number of reasons...a.) I have been 'slacking' as far as my walk with the Lord b.) I've been incredibly stressed and emotional and I didn't feel like complaining over a blog would be appropriate, and c.) as cliche as it sounds, i've just been overly busy and unmotivated to blog. So there you have it; my three excuses.

The last time I blogged, I was counting down the days til graduation/summer. Well, it's finally here. I attended my last day of high school on Tuesday, the 24th. Our school prom is coming up this weekend and I am beyond excited! The only thing left after prom is graduation...which doesn't happen until June 5th. Small details set aside, I am blogging to a new beginning. With the beginning of summer comes my commitment to Christ and pursuing Him with all that I have. I've decided to spend an hour with God every morning. I want to head off to college in August with a better grasp of who God is and how I can better serve Him and stay committed to Him. I know that with moving into a secular school, and being surrounded by lost people comes pressures and struggles. That said, I'm up for the challenge and I want to be prepared.

It's my second 'day of summer' and I'm already getting excited for the journey. I feel like Akron was a great decision. It's close to home so that I can still hang out with the friends I've grown up with, and I can hopefully still attend my home church if I figure out some kind of transportation. At the same time, I'm out of my house and there's nothing forcing me to visit home. I'm excited for the space and indepence. I know that God has a plan with everything and I think that relationships within my family will heal and grow stronger with me out on my own. The decision to live on campus was one that I made on my own, and with that I began to grow nervous because I felt like I should've prayed about it. Looking ahead though, I think it was a good one. Things seem to be falling in place, and slowly but surely I am figuring out finances.

When I think of finances, I think of working. With that being said, I hope to work at least one job this summer, if not two. I've slacked off long enough and now I have no choice but to begin saving. I'm excited to be working and getting paid, but the thought of having to check my work schedule before hanging out or making any other plans is a little discouraging. I've loved being involved at church and attending mission trips or retreats and sometimes jobs can interfere. In addition, I've made so many plans with my friends and all I want to do is hang out with everyone as much as possible before we go our seperate ways for college. I'm sure I'll be able to find a balance somehow. Just pray that it will all work out.

So here's to the summer of 2011. A summer to grow up, make money, and save for college. A summer to balance work with friends. A summer to grow as a person. And a summer of pursuing Christ with all that I am.

Finances

The number of days until graduation continues to shrink as do the number of days until I move out and into my college dorm. With the excitement of the two, comes the stress; planning a graduation party and all of the details that go along with that, and filling out financial forms and papers for college. The simple fact that I'm a teenager carries a lot of stress on its own, but the stress of figuring out finances can get a little overwhelming.

I've always felt like a financial burden; I'm the only daughter living at home and we all know that girls tend to require more clothes than boys...who are usually satisfied with five tshirts that they can rotate through on a weekly basis. Girls also require things like makeup, brushes, tampons, chocolate, hair products, you get the point. I think it's safe to say that we are not cheap children. Let alone we tend to be more emotionally unstable and cause some extra turmoil within the family. What I'm trying to say is that I've noticed all these things and felt somewhat guilty. I feel like I'm always asking for too much, even though I'm quite satisfied shopping at Plato's and I'm always trying to get the most out of my $20. I don't view myself as someone who's high-maintainence.

My mom is always trying to reassure me that I'm fine, but when I'm always hearing about debt, or that she doesn't know if we'll be able to afford another repair, I can't help but to get upset. So with college coming up, money and finances seem to be daily conversation topics. It doesn't help that I'm the first child that my parents are putting through college, so they don't really have an idea of what they're doing. But i'm not that innocent either and I realize that; I slacked off when it came to scholarships and I wasn't too involved in high school. I was much more involved with my church than school clubs, and I was totally fine with that. Then the issue of me not having a job is another touchy subject. My mom seems to think that I simply don't want one. In reality, I would kill for a job! When I worked at an ice cream place in 2008, it felt so nice to save up all my money, and keep $20 in my pocket for a little extra spending money. After a series of events, I am still jobless. (If you have any ideas on a job for me, I'd love to hear them!) I just need to make an effort and start filling out applications. The only downside is not being free for a last minute get together, or a weekend church retreat....some sacrifices have to be made I guess.

Well, that's what I'm dealing with right now, and I'm finally sharing it with the world. I've been talking to a friend today and he and I agreed about this: sometimes the happiest, goofy people have a lot going on and  are realing hurting inside. They may be dealing with family issues, a friend, or even a personal problem. Don't just assume that they really are happy. It may just be their way of dealing with it, and not bringing others down with them. 

I'll leave you with that. Pray for me along with numerous other seniors who are dealing with the stress of college and finances. Pray that we'll give our worries to God and trust that He'll be at work in the situation.

One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven

So I realize that it has been awhile since I last blogged, but there have been numerous times when I wanted to but didn't have the opportunity to sit down and actually do it. Nonetheless, I have some great things to share from the past few days.
*P.S. you should know that it's 6:10am and I'm eating leftover ice cream cake for breakfast and I'm overly enthused about this! It's basically my coffee/sugar buzz/morning burst since my mother used up all the coffee creamer....but that's all beside the point.

So the last few days have been great. God has continued to strengthen me in my faith and stretch me in ways that I didn't know were possible. This past weekend our youth group went to Tappan Lake for a youth retreat. What you may not know is that I initially was not planning on going, which is new for me because I'm always jumping at any opportunity to go on missions trips or retreats. But for some reason I was set on not going, and when my friends tried to convince me, I was turned even farther away. However, God tugged at my heart and I prayed about the retreat and confessed to Him my fears and angers about why I was so set against going. God heard my prayers and instilled in me this desire to go for whatever reason. My senior paper due two days after we would be getting back got its due date pushed back and other small things happened that let me know God was serious about His wanting me to go. (When God lays something on your heart, never push it away or blow it off.)

The retreat could not have gone better. Apparently there were some problems that came up, but being a student I was unaware of them and felt that the weekend was the best it could have been! Not only did God teach me so much through the lessons, He also pulled me closer to Him during worship, and opened my eyes to the hearts and desires of the other students. I can't even begin to explain how proud of our youth group I am. Although I'm still a senior in high school and not an official leader, sometimes I just feel like one. Going on OB, I was taught to be a leader; not only that, I'm just natually a planner and organizer, and enjoy taking on leadership positions. So call it what you will, I felt like I was looking around and seeing my own students worshipping and pursuing Christ...it was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen.

Not only the students, but the leaders as well amazed me beyond what I thought possible! I guess I'll take this moment to brag about our guys. (Our girls were phenominal and they always have been) Back when the guys were all younger, there were times when maybe we all didn't make the smartest decisions---or to be honest, the guys would do some crazy things and people would look down on them or not see it as 'silly' like I did in my crushing years. ;)  Comments were made that "we have such great girls, we just need some great godly men." At the time, I would agree with those judgements but now it's like a total 360. These guys are stepping up and becoming incredibly awesome leaders in our youth group. Their hearts are being changed by God and they have a love and desire not only for God, but for the students. I've grown up with these guys and to see them now makes me so proud! My friend Virginia and I went on a walk the other day and had a really long, great spiritual conversation. Part of that conversation involved bragging back and forth about how much we love our guys. We tried our best to write them encouragment cards, but there's only so much you can put in writing on a tiny little notecard. But be praying for them...you can only grow when you have people supporting you and encouraging you along the way. Pray that they would find older godly men to disciple them, and that our church would be an encouragment to them!

In addition, the overall weekend retreat was awesome! Watching the kids worship together and interact was sooo neat..definitely a proud moment for me.

On another note, I got this really awesome book called "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven." (you should read it!) It's all about evangelizing and the reasons behind why it is soo incredibly important. I can't even begin to describe all the things I've underlined in that book, but I felt that it was worth mentioning and worth advertising over my blog. haha. But anyways, I can't really remember why I started this post (I began writing really early before school and now it's midnight so I can hardly remember what I've already talked about) Nonetheless, I want to push for you all to be sharing your faith. No matter what the situation, it is sooo easy to change a conversation into a spiritual one. And the awesome part is, people are most often open and willing to hear what you have to say; the world we live in today is full of hurting people.

That's all I've got for now. Goodnight!

There's A First Time For Everything

So I'm back from Florida and the vacation was much needed and greatly appreciated! But a list of "my firsts" began within ten minutes of being in the Karmie's suburban...AKA " the burbie"  Here's the story....

Our first 'stop' on the way to Florida was at a nearby McDonald's. Our original intent was to buy a 50-piece chicken nugget to share amongst the five people in the burbie. But long story short, Colton wanted a kid's meal and a bunch of deals were going on so we ended up with like $20 worth of food! Included in that food was a bigmac. After revealing that I had never eaten a bigmac (the reaction on their faces was priceless!), I was soon forced to take a bite. Which I was more than willing to do...I'm all about new experiecnces! So it was in the backseat of the burbie, that I bit into my very first bigmac.

Next on my list of firsts was riding in a wheelchair in the back of a taxi cab. The faithful burbie had broken down around 2am on our way to Florida so we had it towed somewhere in Tennessee and had a taxi take us to a nearby airport in hopes of purchasing a rental car for the rest of our trip. The ride was quite a new experience in itself, as I'm told we got lost quite a few times. (I had fallen asleep in the strapped-in, shakey wheelchair) But nonetheless, we made it to the airport where the car rental shop didn't open until 5:30am. Being that we had a long wait until then, we crashed on the floor of the airport. No joke, we laid flat on the floor and covered ourselves with blankets and extra jackets. And to be honest, that didn't bother me at all...I saw it as another exciting part of our adventure!

Our journey to Florida continued on in the back of our twelve-seater rental van thing? It was quite roomy and we were all very sad to return it at the end of the week. But anyways, next on my list of firsts was eating lobster. Our first evening in Florida (after exploring our mansion of a home) we went to a seafood restaurant located right on the beach. I have never really been a huge fan of seafood, but once again I'm always open to trying new things. At dinner I took a bite of my first lobster, and my first bite of crab. It was super delicious and I really enjoyed it! Our dinner was followed by some time at the beach, and we ended up getting our clothes soaked, but it was sooo much fun and totally worth it!

My memory of the week isn't the greatest, so I'm probably forgetting some of my firsts but I do remember playing a game called "Bananagrams" for the first time, and now I'm officially addicted! (pretty sure we played it every day!) It's sort of like scrabble, but that's all I can really tell you...just buy it for me for my birthday and I'll teach you how to play ;)

I'm beginning to forget the other things on my list.....but I know there were a lot of them! As of right now, I'm realizing that my back is peeling from being in the sun and I'm honest when I say that this is the first time I've peeled (other than my face); my skin usually turns a nice brown without the occurance of a sunburn but apparently I'm getting old or something? Who knows?

Well, that's all I have for tonight. I'll be sure to make a second post if I remember all my other firsts---I had quite a plethora of them! But now I'm home, safe and sound. Definitely ready for a night in my own bed! Goodnight

Real quick--as I was proofreading this post, I remembered a few more. We made another stop to McDonald's at some point and it was quite an experience. The whole thing was pure chaos; we ended up waiting for like half an hour! (Derek got the whole thing on video and I'm sure it's hilarious!) There was another man there that ordered like two things, waited forever to get his food then went on his way. (We had talked to him about the whole waiting thing and joked around with him while he was there...he was telling other people that came in after him that it wasn't worth the wait. He was pretty funny!) Anyways, no more than five minutes after he left, he came back in and said "Back for round two!" They had messed up his simple order. When we finally got our food, I was told that they didn't have parfaits (all I ordered was a parfait and hashbrown), and asked if I would like a walnut salad....that in itself made us all laugh. So of course I took it, and once again Derek got some great video footage and took a picture of this "great walnut apple salad." I guess that counts as another first....I've never had one of those before...

And the other first I remembered was my first crepe. I get excited about this one because it was SOOOOOO GOOOD! On our way home from Florida, we ended up stopping for breakfast at an ihop about ten minutes from home. All of us kids were snuggled together in the back, sleeping, when Mr. and Mrs. pulled into the parking lot. They watched and waited patiently as we slowly woke up--stretching and rubbing our eyes, and pulling blankets over us (this was how we knew we were back in Ohio....it was freezing!) because we all sensed the great temperature difference between Florida and Ohio. Eventually we were all somewhat awake, or at least able to function, and headed into ihop. It was here that I had my first [nutella] crepe. Mmmmmmm, I'm officially hooked!

First spring break out of Ohio.....SUCCESS! What a great senior year memory! A big thank you again to the wonderful Karmie family <3

Spring Break

Right now I'm in Destin, Florida for spring break....but first I'll start off with some background information. A few months ago a family from my church offered to take me on vacation with them, and clearly I responded with a yes, being that I'm here right now. The family has five children; the oldest one being my age. After the four days so far with he and his family, I'm seeing a whole different side of him. He's funny in his own quiet way and he cracks me up! The next two children, two girls a little younger than myself I'm great friends with. We're always having a good time and making each other laugh. They are such beautiful young women! Then there's the youngest two that I babysit. They are two of the sweetest children you will ever meet, and such a pleasure to take care of. And finally, they have two god-fearing parents; their mother being my discipler. Both of them are great role models and I look up to them a lot! I was more than happy to go on vacation on this awesome family!

I've been here for four days now and I'm having the time of my life. For starters, the house we're staying in is basically a mansion. I know this because I'm still getting lost finding my way around. The beach is walking distance away, and there's a pool in our backyard. All these material things aside, and I'd still be loving every bit of my time here. The family I'm with (along with their extended family i.e. aunts, uncles, and cousins..) are all wonderful godly people. The love they have for God and the love they have for each other is obvious! I can't help but to sit back and watch the way they interact with each other and simply have fun together. I only pray that one day I'll have a family half as great as this one!

Every day here has been spent either at the pool or the beach, often times at both. It's been really neat to do my devotions in the sun by the poolside each morning. Then later in the afternoon, walking along the beach and watching the waves crash along shore. I can't help but to be in awe of who God is. I am soo small compared to just the ocean, but yet God holds the entire universe in the palm of his hand. INCREDIBLE! I am truly blessed to have the opportunity not only to go on a nice vacation, but also to view God's creation and watch as He lives in the hearts' of the people around me.
                           
                                        God. Is. So. Good.

Cheese Fountain

     So, some silly things happened to me today and after contemplating whether or not to make a facebook status about it, I decided it wasn't worth it. I figured that people who actually care about my life (aka consistent blog readers) would get more of a kick out of this. So I'm going against the typical trend of my posts and simply writing about today's funny happenings. Hopefully you'll laugh, maybe you'll think I'm just a weird, (dumb) blonde, teenager...but I don't really care because I think it's hilarious. Ok ok enough rambling, here's my story...

     It all started out like my typical school day. I woke up at 5:00am (I'm the first in the shower so I have hot water...and it's only fair being that my hair's the longest). Anyways, I shower and go through my morning routine as usual. Then I arrive at school at 6:45 and get out at 1:50. So here I am at home....with my cute, little grandma. Sometimes I'll come home exhausted and crash on our couch in front of the TV and watch my recorded shows; rather, today was one of those days where I was wide awake and slap happy. Those of you that know me well enough, would understand that my version of slap happy would resemble someone that's drunk. But it's like I tell my friends: I don't need to be drunk to make people laugh and have a good time. Back to the story....here I am in my kitchen (not only was I slap happy, but I was also hungry). My  friends will also tell you that I crave food like a pregnant woman, and today that craving was bean dip. Now I've never made bean dip before, but I'm always cooking so I decided to venture out and come up with my own recipe. These were the ingredients I found and as a result, decided to use: a can of organic refried beans, shredded cheese, sour cream, and taco sauce....potential for a killer bean dip right there!
     First things first, I opened up the can of organic refried beans. I got out a bowl and proceeded to open the can and spoon the beans into the bowl. (Those of you who have ever used canned refried beans can only imagine the smell of these things) I love refried beans, but I never knew how bad they smelled right when you open them...I guess it wasn't as bad as the horrid farts that follow, but still. Anyways, the only thing I can compare it to, based on the looks and the smell of the beans, is cat food. Here's where things get funny. My grandma is watching me scrape out the refried beans, so I get the idea to turn the can's label away from her and convince her that I'm getting cat food to feed the stray cat in our neighborhood (there is no stray cat by the way). From what I read on her disgusted face, she had bought it and I reaped the benefits. Her face was enough to make me laugh til my abs hurt. But to be mature (?) I stopped myself and put the "cat food" in the microwave to heat it up. While that was happening I pulled out the bag of shredded cheese from the fridge. (Don't forget I'm slap happy..) I hold the cheese out in front of me with both hands and start dancing with it as I make up a song about bagged up shredded cheddar cheese. My grandma is laughing and telling me I'm crazy and I tell her that she's just old and not in tune with this generation's music (she knows I'm only kidding..we were having fun). Just as I begin screaming the chorus of my cheese song and continue dancing around my kitchen, the zipper thing on the bag opens and shredded cheese showers down on the kitchen counter and my hair, then falls on the floor between the toes of my bare feet! I guess I'll also mention that I'm not a big fan of cheese unless it's melted...otherwise it's like eating rubber. Everything about cheese is gross, but I'm starting to aquire more of a taste for it; that's besides the point. So here I am, covered in cheese, being laughed at by my grandma, in total shock of what I'd just done. I stood there frozen for a minute before shaking off my feet and cleaning up my mess.
     There you have it...that's my funny story. I'll conclude by saying that my bean dip was amazing. I had a layer of hot refried beans, a shredded cheese layer, sour cream layer, little bit of taco sauce drizzled on top, then a final layer of refried beans topped with shredded cheese for a mouth-watering presentation. ( I really need to stop watching cake boss. lol)  So whether you laughed at my expense, smiled to yourself as you read this, or simply read it and officially think I'm weird....I hope you enjoyed it. I only have a year and a couple months until I exit my teenage years and move on to "adulthood." I'm not trying to grow up anytime soon. Besides, I think God laughs right along with me and is more than proud of his crazy little daughter. That in itself makes me smile! I can't even describe in words how comforted and blessed I truly am. He gives me just enough strength to make it through each day, and He fills me with soo much joy...today was definitely joyful to say the least!
    That's all there is to it....maybe I'll make a habit of posting more about the silly moments of my life. What are your thoughts on that?
     Even when I'm with my friends in person, they'll tell you that I'm always pretending to be dumb or I'll act like I don't know something and look stupid but it's really because I simply enjoy making people laugh, I promise!
    You know what they say..."there's blonde, and then there's Julie"    :)

My Heart will Forever Worship

I don't know about you guys, but I am a HUGE fan of worship! I'm always playing Pandora, the genre being 'contemporary worship' so I constantly have some sort of worship song stuck in my head. My list of favorites grows from like one to fifty, changing almost daily..sometimes it's easy for me to get caught up in the song and I lose focus on what my worship is really about. It's about praising the God of the universe, not just singing some song and clapping to keep a rhythm (or so us Grace Brethreners attempt). Recently, I find it kind of cool to keep quiet and listen to the lyrics maybe while I'm driving or just laying on my bed at night. (I tend to be one of those people that hates when I don't know the lyrics and can't sing along--so it's a challenge to simply sit back sometimes.) Aside from all this, I thought it would neat and out of the norm to  post some of my favorite songs and their lyrics for you. So Enjoy! Just listen to the words and let your heart worship and praise our God!

This is one of my current favorites. I can't wait to get to heaven and be free from all of earth's hurting and hate.

Another one of my current favorites. I love the lyrics and I think it describes my heart's desires. I hope and pray that my life would be one that brings honor and glory to God and that I would be seeking His kingdom and not the lowly things of this earth.

My Distorted View

This morning I was reading my Bible alongside my devotional and I read about what our top priority should be...and that is God and loving Him. But it went beyond that. The priority or commandment right after talks about how we need to love others, and how it relates closely to the first. Both are about love and seem to correspond with each other. Sometimes it's not that simple though; if we have a distorted view of God it can affect not only our relationship with Him, but also our relationships with other people. How do distorted views happen? Well for me it was because of the earthly authority figures in my life, more specifically my mom.

Growing up, I always wanted to show off and make my parents and teachers proud. I wanted to be their favorite, their best kid. When I would get good grades or do chores without asking, I easily won their approval; I thrived on that. At the same time, whenever I would mess up or fall short of standards, I was punished and knew that I had disappointed them. No matter who you are or who the authority figure(s), I'm sure you know what that's like. Good things result in praise, while bad things result in some type of punishment. That's usually all we know.

In response, when I hear about God and his endless forgiveness and grace, I want so badly to accept it and feel free from my past. It's forgiven, it's done. But because of my distorted view, it can be really difficult to fully wrap my arms around that.

Here's some good news. Because God wants us to fully experience His love and then love others with that same type of love, He is totally open to our honest hearts, no matter what the situation. We can be real with God and confess things to him like "hey i'm not feeling this whole love thing, but I really want to. Please help me in my relationship with you." So often we got caught up in the 'routine' of Christianity and we read our Bibles, we go through devotionals, we sing worship....but it's easy to forget about simply speaking with God and spending time in prayer. As I read my own devotional, I realized that I was merely trying to do all the right things rather than focusing on my relationship with Christ. That in itself is really all it comes down to.

I'm challenging myself to pursuing Christ and spending time working on our relationship. The other things will follow closely behind. I challenge you guys to do the same. Pray for me as I pray you, and remember the vast amount of love that God has for all of us. It's nothing like the earthly love we're so used to.