Today in my devotional, I read about what exactly it means to make choices---ones that are pleasing to the Lord. It started off with this verse:
"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'my Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will...' He went away a second time and prayed, 'My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." -Matthew 26:39, 42
The devotion goes on and talks about how the disciples Jesus took with him to pray were always falling asleep even when he needed them most. The reality of Jesus' death was starting to become reality rather than a simple theory. As his disciples were sleeping, Jesus fell to his face in prayer. He was all alone in those last hours. The book describes it like this:
"In a few hours he was going to take on his shoulders all the ugliness and pain of hatred, selfishness, murder, rape, envy, and every other sin of every single man, woman, and child who ever lived or ever would live. For a time, Jesus would be pushed away from perfect unity with his Father. He would pay for all our sins alone. The lies and taunts and spit of those lining the streets and those near the cross would compound his pain. The whip, the nails, and the thorns would sear his flesh, and awful thirst would make his tongue swell and cling to the roof of his mouth. He would be all alone. He knew all this was coming, and in his flesh, Jesus wanted out." -David Nasser
After reading this, I couldn't help but to think "Why has the cross simply become 'how Jesus died'? Why don't we cringe and feel sick to our stomachs every time we hear about his death?" It's almost as if we've grown up hearing about the cross that it's nothing new. Yet when I see the 'Passion' I am instantly brought to tears and broken over my sin. It blows my mind to think that Jesus was willing to do that for ME....tiny, little, nothing-but-a-sinful-human, me! If God called me to suffer like that, I doubt that I would be willing. I would probably be like Jonah when God called him to Ninevah. I'd be running far away. I'd be sooo afraid!
Another big thing that hit me was how much we do things simply to satisfy ourselves, even if it means breaking the heart of Christ.
David writes-- "It it doesn't cost you anything, it's not worth anything. Need more clarity? Do whatever you want. But if it pleases you, all the while contradicting the word of God, you are pleasing your own god--but you are your own god."
That hit deep for me. So often I find myself coming home from school and watching reality tv shows. I'm currently hooked on the whole "16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and Teen Mom 2" crap. Something about watching reality shows is pure entertainment for me. But I'm sure it is breaking God's heart that I'm filling my mind with that garbage. Or I'll watch 'Jersey Shore' reruns to get a feel for what's going on. That's all people talk about at school, and so of course I can't be left out of those conversations. In reality, 'Jersey Shore' is nothing but sex, drama, relationship issues, fighting, and whatever else you wanna add to the list. It's not worth my time and it 100% contradicts God's plans and desires for me. He would much more enjoy me filling my mind with the scriptures and spending time in prayer with Him. Too often, He gets my 'leftover time' that I may or may not have each day. That's not fair to the God of the universe who is by my side all the time.
I'm motivated and excited to spend time with Christ after today's devotions. However, the devil hates that, and will be attacking me the best that He can. Pray that I would flee the devil and his temptations and live life in pursuit of Christ.
It's off to an eight hour babysitting shift, so pray for that as well. Pray for patience and maybe even an opportunity to share the gospel with them!
I Will Praise You O LORD My God, With All My Heart I Will Glorify Your Name Forever
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
God Is Still Good
I recently realized that I was starting to get a little too excited about this blog, if not flat out proud. And it seems like from the moment I became proud, God quickly humbled me by putting me at a loss for words, and a lack of ability to communicate what has been on my mind. I'm stumbling through ideas on what to blog about, and how I should go about conveying these ideas to the eyes of my audience. So from here on it, all glory and praise goes to God!
To recap our trip out to Indiana for our Sub Zero retreat---I should start off by saying that Satan was clearly trying to ruin everything. The main speaker called off sick and was unable to make it, leaving youth Pastor Dan scrambling for fill-ins. In addition, it seemed like our group in particular came with the mindset of pursuing relationships. They presented a clear distraction to many of us, and it was discouraging as a fellow student to watch Satan distract them and pull their focus away from the Lord.
For me personally, I felt like Satan attacked me straight on. I was put in a room seperate from our youth group girls (which was totally fine considering I love meeting new people and had previously gone on OB), but only to find that was of the girls woke up sick Saturday night with the flu. She threw up ALL night, and it was anything but quiet. For those of you who know me, you know that I am the worst person to have around when it comes to dealing with vomit. (I gag simply hearing someone else gag!) I layed in my bunk, digging my fingers deep into my ears, and curled myself into a tight ball. In between her puking spurts, I was texting and calling our youth group girls, desperately trying to wake them up so I could run up to their room and get away from the horrid noises. Unfortunately, it was a lost cause and I layed there for the next three hours sobbing softly as I felt helpless and was beginning to feel quite nauseous myself.
The next morning (Sunday), I was running on a mere two hours of sleep and it was getting the best of me as far as my ability to focus and eat. I barely ate anything the entire day because all I could invision was how awful the food would look if I threw it up. The message and worship that morning was wonderful, making it a little easier to focus, but I still felt a little out of it.
Later that morning we packed our bags and loaded the vans to head home. Things seemed to go smoothly and we were on our way; our goal being to drive straight home with only one stop for a food and restroom break. Around four o'clock (I don't recall the time), we arrived back at the church. It was after unloading everyone's luggage and cleaning out the vans, that I realized my bag was no where to be found. That was it. It was the perfect thing to cut the little thread of joy I had held on to. I found myself in instant tears, and felt like an idiot for crying over such a petty thing. But I was running on only two hours of sleep, we had just traveled five hours home, and my bag was at the other end of those long hours. Knowing my mother, I knew she would be pissed off and blame me for being "so irresponsible" (a term that I have never used to describe myself, but whatever). But I called her anyways and listened to her yelling...she knew just as well as I did that I needed that luggage.
Six o'clock rolls around, we pick up my friend Virginia, and the three of us begin our five hour roadtrip, retracing the route we had just driven to head home. We pull into the hotel a little after midnight, pick up my luggage and check ourselves in for the night. We left the next morning around eight, and were back to Ohio between two or three. It had been a long weekend. My patience had been tested, but God is still good. The roadtrip had provided a great opportunity for a heart to heart with my mom and Virginia. Sunday night, I went over to Virginia's, and together we made home-made chicken fettucine alfredo. It was absolutely delicious and I will definitely be saving that recipe! Virginia and I decided that we will both make great house wives one day :)
So that was our weekend, a rough one but a good one nonetheless. God was still able to work in many lives, and many of us were challenged. Thanks for reading! Over and out.
To recap our trip out to Indiana for our Sub Zero retreat---I should start off by saying that Satan was clearly trying to ruin everything. The main speaker called off sick and was unable to make it, leaving youth Pastor Dan scrambling for fill-ins. In addition, it seemed like our group in particular came with the mindset of pursuing relationships. They presented a clear distraction to many of us, and it was discouraging as a fellow student to watch Satan distract them and pull their focus away from the Lord.
For me personally, I felt like Satan attacked me straight on. I was put in a room seperate from our youth group girls (which was totally fine considering I love meeting new people and had previously gone on OB), but only to find that was of the girls woke up sick Saturday night with the flu. She threw up ALL night, and it was anything but quiet. For those of you who know me, you know that I am the worst person to have around when it comes to dealing with vomit. (I gag simply hearing someone else gag!) I layed in my bunk, digging my fingers deep into my ears, and curled myself into a tight ball. In between her puking spurts, I was texting and calling our youth group girls, desperately trying to wake them up so I could run up to their room and get away from the horrid noises. Unfortunately, it was a lost cause and I layed there for the next three hours sobbing softly as I felt helpless and was beginning to feel quite nauseous myself.
The next morning (Sunday), I was running on a mere two hours of sleep and it was getting the best of me as far as my ability to focus and eat. I barely ate anything the entire day because all I could invision was how awful the food would look if I threw it up. The message and worship that morning was wonderful, making it a little easier to focus, but I still felt a little out of it.
Later that morning we packed our bags and loaded the vans to head home. Things seemed to go smoothly and we were on our way; our goal being to drive straight home with only one stop for a food and restroom break. Around four o'clock (I don't recall the time), we arrived back at the church. It was after unloading everyone's luggage and cleaning out the vans, that I realized my bag was no where to be found. That was it. It was the perfect thing to cut the little thread of joy I had held on to. I found myself in instant tears, and felt like an idiot for crying over such a petty thing. But I was running on only two hours of sleep, we had just traveled five hours home, and my bag was at the other end of those long hours. Knowing my mother, I knew she would be pissed off and blame me for being "so irresponsible" (a term that I have never used to describe myself, but whatever). But I called her anyways and listened to her yelling...she knew just as well as I did that I needed that luggage.
Six o'clock rolls around, we pick up my friend Virginia, and the three of us begin our five hour roadtrip, retracing the route we had just driven to head home. We pull into the hotel a little after midnight, pick up my luggage and check ourselves in for the night. We left the next morning around eight, and were back to Ohio between two or three. It had been a long weekend. My patience had been tested, but God is still good. The roadtrip had provided a great opportunity for a heart to heart with my mom and Virginia. Sunday night, I went over to Virginia's, and together we made home-made chicken fettucine alfredo. It was absolutely delicious and I will definitely be saving that recipe! Virginia and I decided that we will both make great house wives one day :)
So that was our weekend, a rough one but a good one nonetheless. God was still able to work in many lives, and many of us were challenged. Thanks for reading! Over and out.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sub Zero Retreat 2011
In a couple of hours, our youth group will be heading out to Indiana for a retreat/mission trip called 'Sub Zero.' For me personally, it's been about two years since my last "short term mission trip" and a lot has changed since then. Now don't get me wrong I'm okay with change, but sometimes it can be really tough. Since our last trip, we've gotten a new youth pastor, our youth staff has lots of new faces, and our group of students has changed. It's been a little bitter-sweet, as I miss the past like crazy. Our old youth pastor had been with us since my first day in youth group as a young 6th grade student. He was always making us feel welcome, making us laugh, sometimes making us fear for our lives, but most of all he was real with us and relateable. Our youth staff was small and simple, and our students were pretty close for a Grace Brethren Church. If anything, we always had a wierd seperation between guys and girls---we most likely still believed that cooties do exist, or in reality we didn't want to risk anyone being hurt by the opposite sex. All in all, we had and still have a pretty great group! This trip may not be like ones from the past, but I'm accepting that...it will be awesome no matter what.
These past few days I've been praying like crazy! Praying for safe travels there and back, as well as good health for both the students and the leaders. Praying for our focus this weekend, that it would be on Christ and not on pursuing other relationships. Praying for smooth planning, that our housing, food, and schedule would go as planned without any major mishaps. But most importantly, that God would stretch us and use us in ways that we can't even imagine! My hope is that we would come back changed, that this weekend would rekindle our passion and fire for the Lord, and that we would have a desire to share our faith with anyone and everyone we meet!
I have faith and I know that God has the power to do more than we could ever ask or even imagine...that's what I wanna see happen :)
Please pray for our group this weekend!
These past few days I've been praying like crazy! Praying for safe travels there and back, as well as good health for both the students and the leaders. Praying for our focus this weekend, that it would be on Christ and not on pursuing other relationships. Praying for smooth planning, that our housing, food, and schedule would go as planned without any major mishaps. But most importantly, that God would stretch us and use us in ways that we can't even imagine! My hope is that we would come back changed, that this weekend would rekindle our passion and fire for the Lord, and that we would have a desire to share our faith with anyone and everyone we meet!
I have faith and I know that God has the power to do more than we could ever ask or even imagine...that's what I wanna see happen :)
Please pray for our group this weekend!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Forgiveness
This last week has been super crazy and super stressful, but hopefully my writing is still in check. I feel like I have a lot on my mind, and I don't know how to express or process it all in writing. I'll try my best though!
As I mentioned before (and in my last blog post) it's been a busy and stressful week. I felt like I wasn't able to spend much time in my Bible as I would've liked to, but I learned from that....I remember a verse that says something along the lines of: even if I'm not faithful to God, He will always be faithful to me. I did my best to remember to be in prayer throughout my day, even if I wasn't able to spend time in the word. God values any time I spend with Him...and He doesn't deserve my "scraps" or leftover time. He's always there for me no matter what, so He deserves my time in return. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm doing a poor job at typing my thoughts. lol.
Anyways, this week I also realized that pride is a huge sin issue for me. I hate to admit it, but I'm here to be honest...I enjoy being the center of attention and walking into a room late when everyone turns around and all eyes are on me. I find it hard to apologize after a fight and admitting that I'm wrong. I like to dress in a way that turns heads, but not in a way that makes men stumble and lust. All in all, I'm sure you would agree with me when I say I struggle with pride. I was talking to one of my best friends Kaylyn (who is telling lots of people about my blog and I'm soo excited about that!!), and I was telling her that maybe I need a week without makeup. Those of you that know me well, know that this would be incredibly hard for me! Although I enjoy attention, I don't like eyes on me when I feel like I look bad. Makeup for me is like a necessity. I used to struggle a lot with my own self image, but makeup had at least made me feel a little better about the way I look. I guess maybe if I did this week without makeup, I wouldn't be craving attention, but rather I'd want to be in the background, unseen. I think it would be quite the challenge for me, but a good one nonetheless. My problem though is when it comes to sharing Christ with others. If I feel like I look bad and don't want to be getting attention, will it affect how I converse with others? I don't want to sit on the bench and not tell others about Christ just because I feel like I look bad and don't wanna be judged. Trust me guys, these are some deeply rooted thoughts. Maybe some of you can relate or feel the same?
Going along with pride, I think it'd be true to say that a proud person has trouble with forgiveness...or at least I do. For as long as I can remember, my mom and I haven't gotten a long. We're both very independent people, who need things to be done perfect (OCD), and we like to be right. When we got into fights, they would get really bad. We would scream at each other, upsetting the rest of the family, and I would go up to my room in tears, threatening to move out. I was pretty serious about it too, and my grandma was willing to let me live with her. There are a lot of other details I could go into about why my mom and I would fight, but I'll save that for personal conversations. I've always been jealous of my friends because a girl's mom is someone that she should be able to go to about anything and have a good relationship with, and I never got to have that. I harbored a lot of bitterness towards my mom for many years, until recently she started losing weight. Working out together and eating healthy has brought us much closer. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's getting there, and that is such a HUGE answer to years of crying out to God. I've slowly been able to forgive her in my heart. Forgiving someone not only mends a relationship, but it fills you with a sense of freedom. You're finally able to let go of something that's felt like a burden for so long. In addition to that, you can draw nearer to God without a big distraction in the way. One thing to remember also, is that God has forgiven us and in response to His forgiveness, we need to be willing to forgive others no matter what they've done. It takes time, maybe even years like it did for me; but eventually you'll get there, and when you do it's an incredible relief!
I hope this encourages you. It was nice to get a little bit off my chest. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can't, but I'll be praying for my blog readers again tonight. My laptop is about to die, so I guess it's time to end this post. Night guys!
As I mentioned before (and in my last blog post) it's been a busy and stressful week. I felt like I wasn't able to spend much time in my Bible as I would've liked to, but I learned from that....I remember a verse that says something along the lines of: even if I'm not faithful to God, He will always be faithful to me. I did my best to remember to be in prayer throughout my day, even if I wasn't able to spend time in the word. God values any time I spend with Him...and He doesn't deserve my "scraps" or leftover time. He's always there for me no matter what, so He deserves my time in return. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm doing a poor job at typing my thoughts. lol.
Anyways, this week I also realized that pride is a huge sin issue for me. I hate to admit it, but I'm here to be honest...I enjoy being the center of attention and walking into a room late when everyone turns around and all eyes are on me. I find it hard to apologize after a fight and admitting that I'm wrong. I like to dress in a way that turns heads, but not in a way that makes men stumble and lust. All in all, I'm sure you would agree with me when I say I struggle with pride. I was talking to one of my best friends Kaylyn (who is telling lots of people about my blog and I'm soo excited about that!!), and I was telling her that maybe I need a week without makeup. Those of you that know me well, know that this would be incredibly hard for me! Although I enjoy attention, I don't like eyes on me when I feel like I look bad. Makeup for me is like a necessity. I used to struggle a lot with my own self image, but makeup had at least made me feel a little better about the way I look. I guess maybe if I did this week without makeup, I wouldn't be craving attention, but rather I'd want to be in the background, unseen. I think it would be quite the challenge for me, but a good one nonetheless. My problem though is when it comes to sharing Christ with others. If I feel like I look bad and don't want to be getting attention, will it affect how I converse with others? I don't want to sit on the bench and not tell others about Christ just because I feel like I look bad and don't wanna be judged. Trust me guys, these are some deeply rooted thoughts. Maybe some of you can relate or feel the same?
Going along with pride, I think it'd be true to say that a proud person has trouble with forgiveness...or at least I do. For as long as I can remember, my mom and I haven't gotten a long. We're both very independent people, who need things to be done perfect (OCD), and we like to be right. When we got into fights, they would get really bad. We would scream at each other, upsetting the rest of the family, and I would go up to my room in tears, threatening to move out. I was pretty serious about it too, and my grandma was willing to let me live with her. There are a lot of other details I could go into about why my mom and I would fight, but I'll save that for personal conversations. I've always been jealous of my friends because a girl's mom is someone that she should be able to go to about anything and have a good relationship with, and I never got to have that. I harbored a lot of bitterness towards my mom for many years, until recently she started losing weight. Working out together and eating healthy has brought us much closer. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's getting there, and that is such a HUGE answer to years of crying out to God. I've slowly been able to forgive her in my heart. Forgiving someone not only mends a relationship, but it fills you with a sense of freedom. You're finally able to let go of something that's felt like a burden for so long. In addition to that, you can draw nearer to God without a big distraction in the way. One thing to remember also, is that God has forgiven us and in response to His forgiveness, we need to be willing to forgive others no matter what they've done. It takes time, maybe even years like it did for me; but eventually you'll get there, and when you do it's an incredible relief!
I hope this encourages you. It was nice to get a little bit off my chest. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can't, but I'll be praying for my blog readers again tonight. My laptop is about to die, so I guess it's time to end this post. Night guys!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Time for Jesus?
I'll try to keep this post kind and informative, rather than an angry rant....but be fair warned that it could happen! Here's how my lovely tuesday-wednesday-thursday blur of life seemed to go about. This could get lengthy...
It all started out in sociology class about a month ago. We were given the news that we were going to be married. Hooray!! ...not so much. This marriage pretty much revolves around finances and a budget, to prove that getting married young is a stupid idea. (I may be blonde, but I would never, EVER get married at 18!) So anyways, class proceeds and we unite hands, say our vows, and a ring is placed on our tiny, little, teen-aged finger. Congradulations Mr. and Mrs. Chris and Julie Pfeil!
So here we are, the lovely little couple at 18 years old, senior year of high school, married. We discuss the marriage project requirements that include: making a two-week meal plan, going 'grocery shopping' for all the items needed for the month (with a budget of around $200), going on a date night, 'buying' an apartment from the newspaper, and taking pictures of the whole process so there is proof that we have done everything on the list. Fun right?
Our marriage went on quite successfully. We got everything done that needed to be done in class, besides going grocery shopping and out on a date. Christmas break rolls around and we enjoy our time off school, as did any other high school student. Tuesday we come back to sociology class, expecting to plan a day for grocery shopping and our date....only to find that the entire project (scrapbook included!!) is due THURSDAY OF THIS WEEK! Panic, stress, anger, frustration, shock, all of these emotions fuming in my head! I could've literally exploded at any moment. So much for a lovely evening of grocery shopping and a date. All I could think was, "Why didn't he tell us it was due so soon, so we could've done the majority of it over break?! Scrapbooking freaking takes forever!!"
Tuesday afternoon/evening was completely reserved for a babysitting job I had already committed to, leaving the single, free Wednesday. This was our only option. At 3:45pm on Wednesday, my husband Chris and I met at Marc's, along with the Druga couple, for a double-date-grocery-shopping-and-date-night-trip. Whew! I felt the stress. From 3:45-5:15, we walked around Marc's recording the prices of everything on our grocery list...this is what 'grocery shopping' is in sociology class. With that accomplished, we were all feeling quite hungry--perfect 'dinner date' opportunity. So where do poor, married, high school students go for a date? None other than....WENDY'S! We ate our meal and took pictures, leaving Wendy's at around 6:30pm. Then it was off to Walmart to take furniture pictures, pick up any necessary scrapbooking items (exspensive!) and then order all of our pictures that we'd just taken, to use for the scrapbook (that is still not even started!!) 8pm rolls around and we are literally pooped. Our husbands head home, and Jenalyn and I head back to my house to begin a long night of scrapbooking.
Scrapbooking deserves a whole paragraph to itself! We began scarpbooking at around 8:15 and continued working until midnight when Jenalyn decided to go head home, still not finished with her scrapbook. I stayed up until 2am working on this scrapbook. At 2am, I decide that sleep is more important than a dumb scrapbook. I pack up all the scrapbooking supplies that literally covered my entire floor and went downstairs to wash my face and clean up. Remembering that I had study hall 1st period, I walk into my parent's room and give my dad (half awake) the saddest face I could muster up (not that his eyes were open), and asked if I could skip study hall for an extra hour of sleep. Being the daddy's girl that I am, he allowed.
6:45am comes way to fast. I shower, put on my glasses and a hoodie and jeans (basically whatever was on my floor), poured a tall glass of coffee, and headed to school. 2nd period I managed to pay attention, and then proceeded to 3rd period, my sociology class. He allowed us to work on our project and told us it was due by 3pm today. Period 4/5, sign language. My teacher thought the scrapbook was cute so far, and asked when it was due. After telling her it was due today by 3, she looked at me and said "work on it during class, you don't have to participate. Just get as much of that done as you can." (LOVE HER!!) But truthfully, she probably took one look at me and felt bad for me...I literally looked like a zombie. The scrapbook is still not done, and it's now my lunch period. I worked on it as much as I could, and then made myself eat something in an attempt to gain some energy. The next three periods are all I blur. I have early dismissal so I got out at 1:50, went home, and scrambled to type up the last paper for the scrapbook's "WHAT WE LEARNED" section. 2:48pm, I go running back into the high school, turn in the scrapbook, and head back home. It's over. It's finally done. Halleleuia!
But sociology isn't my only class. I'm a high school student; which means I'm also taking six other classes. And most teachers care about nothing other than their class, so who cares if you're tired and have a ton of other homework...here's another butt load of work to add to that! I'm also taking dual enrollment english to get a college english credit. But what they don't tell you is--dual enrollement english, in college terms is called 'College Composition.' And if you know what compostion means....lots of writing! At the end of this semester, we will have written a total of five essays, and multiple 'reader reviews.' So what do I have tonight? Two reader reviews, assigned today, due tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means complaining. If I wasn't taking it now, I'd have to take it next year at Akron, so in some ways I guess it puts me a little bit ahead. The only negative, is that in high school you meet everyday, so you don't have any days in between to do your work, only a single night.
Moral of the story, I should get to work on those two papers. But in the back of my mind, I can see my "Jesus Time" slipping away. The only time I spent in the Bible yesterday was in the morning. The only time today, was this morning. I want Him to be a priority in my life, but at the same time, I can't afford to let these grades drop. I'm praying for energy. I'm praying for patience. I'm praying for peace. I know that when I'm serious about something, I find a way to make myself get it done. I'm naturally a hard-worker.
God, I pray that you would fill me with your peace. God help me to keep you at the center of my life. Don't let me push you away with the excuse "I'm too busy." I pray that you would guide me in the direction that you wan't me. Help me to be patient and kind, even when there's a lack of sleep. Grant me your joy and energy to make it through each day. Thank you for who you are, and for accepting me the way I am. In your name I pray, amen.
It all started out in sociology class about a month ago. We were given the news that we were going to be married. Hooray!! ...not so much. This marriage pretty much revolves around finances and a budget, to prove that getting married young is a stupid idea. (I may be blonde, but I would never, EVER get married at 18!) So anyways, class proceeds and we unite hands, say our vows, and a ring is placed on our tiny, little, teen-aged finger. Congradulations Mr. and Mrs. Chris and Julie Pfeil!
So here we are, the lovely little couple at 18 years old, senior year of high school, married. We discuss the marriage project requirements that include: making a two-week meal plan, going 'grocery shopping' for all the items needed for the month (with a budget of around $200), going on a date night, 'buying' an apartment from the newspaper, and taking pictures of the whole process so there is proof that we have done everything on the list. Fun right?
Our marriage went on quite successfully. We got everything done that needed to be done in class, besides going grocery shopping and out on a date. Christmas break rolls around and we enjoy our time off school, as did any other high school student. Tuesday we come back to sociology class, expecting to plan a day for grocery shopping and our date....only to find that the entire project (scrapbook included!!) is due THURSDAY OF THIS WEEK! Panic, stress, anger, frustration, shock, all of these emotions fuming in my head! I could've literally exploded at any moment. So much for a lovely evening of grocery shopping and a date. All I could think was, "Why didn't he tell us it was due so soon, so we could've done the majority of it over break?! Scrapbooking freaking takes forever!!"
Tuesday afternoon/evening was completely reserved for a babysitting job I had already committed to, leaving the single, free Wednesday. This was our only option. At 3:45pm on Wednesday, my husband Chris and I met at Marc's, along with the Druga couple, for a double-date-grocery-shopping-and-date-night-trip. Whew! I felt the stress. From 3:45-5:15, we walked around Marc's recording the prices of everything on our grocery list...this is what 'grocery shopping' is in sociology class. With that accomplished, we were all feeling quite hungry--perfect 'dinner date' opportunity. So where do poor, married, high school students go for a date? None other than....WENDY'S! We ate our meal and took pictures, leaving Wendy's at around 6:30pm. Then it was off to Walmart to take furniture pictures, pick up any necessary scrapbooking items (exspensive!) and then order all of our pictures that we'd just taken, to use for the scrapbook (that is still not even started!!) 8pm rolls around and we are literally pooped. Our husbands head home, and Jenalyn and I head back to my house to begin a long night of scrapbooking.
Scrapbooking deserves a whole paragraph to itself! We began scarpbooking at around 8:15 and continued working until midnight when Jenalyn decided to go head home, still not finished with her scrapbook. I stayed up until 2am working on this scrapbook. At 2am, I decide that sleep is more important than a dumb scrapbook. I pack up all the scrapbooking supplies that literally covered my entire floor and went downstairs to wash my face and clean up. Remembering that I had study hall 1st period, I walk into my parent's room and give my dad (half awake) the saddest face I could muster up (not that his eyes were open), and asked if I could skip study hall for an extra hour of sleep. Being the daddy's girl that I am, he allowed.
6:45am comes way to fast. I shower, put on my glasses and a hoodie and jeans (basically whatever was on my floor), poured a tall glass of coffee, and headed to school. 2nd period I managed to pay attention, and then proceeded to 3rd period, my sociology class. He allowed us to work on our project and told us it was due by 3pm today. Period 4/5, sign language. My teacher thought the scrapbook was cute so far, and asked when it was due. After telling her it was due today by 3, she looked at me and said "work on it during class, you don't have to participate. Just get as much of that done as you can." (LOVE HER!!) But truthfully, she probably took one look at me and felt bad for me...I literally looked like a zombie. The scrapbook is still not done, and it's now my lunch period. I worked on it as much as I could, and then made myself eat something in an attempt to gain some energy. The next three periods are all I blur. I have early dismissal so I got out at 1:50, went home, and scrambled to type up the last paper for the scrapbook's "WHAT WE LEARNED" section. 2:48pm, I go running back into the high school, turn in the scrapbook, and head back home. It's over. It's finally done. Halleleuia!
But sociology isn't my only class. I'm a high school student; which means I'm also taking six other classes. And most teachers care about nothing other than their class, so who cares if you're tired and have a ton of other homework...here's another butt load of work to add to that! I'm also taking dual enrollment english to get a college english credit. But what they don't tell you is--dual enrollement english, in college terms is called 'College Composition.' And if you know what compostion means....lots of writing! At the end of this semester, we will have written a total of five essays, and multiple 'reader reviews.' So what do I have tonight? Two reader reviews, assigned today, due tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means complaining. If I wasn't taking it now, I'd have to take it next year at Akron, so in some ways I guess it puts me a little bit ahead. The only negative, is that in high school you meet everyday, so you don't have any days in between to do your work, only a single night.
Moral of the story, I should get to work on those two papers. But in the back of my mind, I can see my "Jesus Time" slipping away. The only time I spent in the Bible yesterday was in the morning. The only time today, was this morning. I want Him to be a priority in my life, but at the same time, I can't afford to let these grades drop. I'm praying for energy. I'm praying for patience. I'm praying for peace. I know that when I'm serious about something, I find a way to make myself get it done. I'm naturally a hard-worker.
God, I pray that you would fill me with your peace. God help me to keep you at the center of my life. Don't let me push you away with the excuse "I'm too busy." I pray that you would guide me in the direction that you wan't me. Help me to be patient and kind, even when there's a lack of sleep. Grant me your joy and energy to make it through each day. Thank you for who you are, and for accepting me the way I am. In your name I pray, amen.
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year. Fresh Start. Pursuit.
It's a new year. Time for a fresh start. In addition to going through the book "A Call to Die" and fasting from facebook, I'm also going through our church's booklet that has daily Bible reading. By the end of the year, I will have read the entire Bible. I'm truly excited to begin this journey! I know it won't always be easy, especially on those days where I claim to be "too busy." But I heard from someone this past year that if "you're too busy for God, you're busier than God ever intended for you to be." That really hit home for me. So these past few days as I've been going through "A Call to Die" I felt God calling me to give up watching TV at home. I realized that by giving up facebook, all I did was replace that time with TV rather than using it to pursue Christ. So here I am, spending an hour each day going through "A Call to Die" and now an extra forty five minutes reading through the Bible (using my study Bible to better comprehend it brings that forty five minutes up to about an hour and fifteen). This is more time with the Lord each day than I've ever done before! Not to mention I've been off school for the past week, so it's been easier to find time than it usually is. My fear comes when school starts up tomorrow. I'm worried that I'll be exhausted from school and homework, that I'll have no desire to read my Bible....it's like another book to my reading list.
But with this new year, my determination has sky rocketed! Oh, and I also discovered our local library...let me tell you, I'm gonna start living there! It's so peaceful and spacious that I can spread my stuff out all over a table and get straight to work. It's pretty awesome! (I think I've just earned the 'nerd' title, but I think I'm okay with that.) But anyways, my goal is that I'll be able to stay organized and stay focused. In my mind, my typical school day looks something like this:
5:00-- wake up. shower. Bible reading. get ready.
6:45--leave for school
7:25-1:50--school
1:50--head to the libray to finish any homework
4:00--hopefully get home before or around now
4:00-4:30--much needed nap/free time
5:00--start cooking dinner
6:00--eat dinner
7:00-8:00--head to the Y to workout
8:00-9:00--devotions
9:00--get ready for bed and hopefully be in bed before or
around 10
...sounds crazy right? Don't worry, reading over that--it'll be a miracle if I can actually pull that off for even a week. I'm hoping my mom will actually cook once or twice, and I'll have some days without homework so I'd just come straight home. I still need my social life and time outside of my house. I guess my thought process right now is that I desperately need Christ to be the center of my life. Looking back, I was always claiming to be too busy for Christ or I was just too lazy and had no desire to be in the word. I hope that with the new year that will change. The things of this world are temporary and can only provide temporary satisfaction. I want what God wants for me. I have to be honest though, God's plan can seem scary or maybe even impossible sometimes. I want to question Him and say "God, do you know how lazy I am? Do you realize that I'm not always outgoing, but I have shy moments? Do you really think you can use me?" But I'm sure God just smiles and laughs at how much I doubt myself.
New Year's Eve, I was able to be a part of a really in-depth conversation with Pastor Joe. We had questions purtaining to things like "if God knows we're gonna sin ahead of time and He has control, why doesn't He stop us?" or "How do I know if I'm truly saved? What if I think I'm saved but I wasn't predestined?" Pastor Joe had such good answers, and all of them he pulled straight from the Bible. He knows his stuff so well and I look up to him more than a lot of people! The bottom line to his answers though was that "God knows everything. A lot of things we will never understand because if we understood it all, there would be no mystery to God." I must admit that I truly enjoy learning new things and having my eyes opened. Initially I was frustrated with Pastor Joe's response because I like set answers. I like to know what's going on without any confusion; but that's not how God intended it, and who am I to question God's sovereignty?
So there you have it. That's what I've been learning over the last few days. I'm growing so much in my faith already and that's super exciting for me! I hope that what I share doesn't bore any of you. If you ever have questions feel free to ask. I do enjoy writing these blogs, but your questions and comments make it even more exciting :) I'm still praying that God would use this blog for His glory, that others would come to know Him, or desire to know Him even more!
~Julie
But with this new year, my determination has sky rocketed! Oh, and I also discovered our local library...let me tell you, I'm gonna start living there! It's so peaceful and spacious that I can spread my stuff out all over a table and get straight to work. It's pretty awesome! (I think I've just earned the 'nerd' title, but I think I'm okay with that.) But anyways, my goal is that I'll be able to stay organized and stay focused. In my mind, my typical school day looks something like this:
5:00-- wake up. shower. Bible reading. get ready.
6:45--leave for school
7:25-1:50--school
1:50--head to the libray to finish any homework
4:00--hopefully get home before or around now
4:00-4:30--much needed nap/free time
5:00--start cooking dinner
6:00--eat dinner
7:00-8:00--head to the Y to workout
8:00-9:00--devotions
9:00--get ready for bed and hopefully be in bed before or
around 10
...sounds crazy right? Don't worry, reading over that--it'll be a miracle if I can actually pull that off for even a week. I'm hoping my mom will actually cook once or twice, and I'll have some days without homework so I'd just come straight home. I still need my social life and time outside of my house. I guess my thought process right now is that I desperately need Christ to be the center of my life. Looking back, I was always claiming to be too busy for Christ or I was just too lazy and had no desire to be in the word. I hope that with the new year that will change. The things of this world are temporary and can only provide temporary satisfaction. I want what God wants for me. I have to be honest though, God's plan can seem scary or maybe even impossible sometimes. I want to question Him and say "God, do you know how lazy I am? Do you realize that I'm not always outgoing, but I have shy moments? Do you really think you can use me?" But I'm sure God just smiles and laughs at how much I doubt myself.
New Year's Eve, I was able to be a part of a really in-depth conversation with Pastor Joe. We had questions purtaining to things like "if God knows we're gonna sin ahead of time and He has control, why doesn't He stop us?" or "How do I know if I'm truly saved? What if I think I'm saved but I wasn't predestined?" Pastor Joe had such good answers, and all of them he pulled straight from the Bible. He knows his stuff so well and I look up to him more than a lot of people! The bottom line to his answers though was that "God knows everything. A lot of things we will never understand because if we understood it all, there would be no mystery to God." I must admit that I truly enjoy learning new things and having my eyes opened. Initially I was frustrated with Pastor Joe's response because I like set answers. I like to know what's going on without any confusion; but that's not how God intended it, and who am I to question God's sovereignty?
So there you have it. That's what I've been learning over the last few days. I'm growing so much in my faith already and that's super exciting for me! I hope that what I share doesn't bore any of you. If you ever have questions feel free to ask. I do enjoy writing these blogs, but your questions and comments make it even more exciting :) I'm still praying that God would use this blog for His glory, that others would come to know Him, or desire to know Him even more!
~Julie
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