"The Crucible of Christ"

Today in my devotional, I read about what exactly it means to make choices---ones that are pleasing to the Lord. It started off with this verse:

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'my Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will...' He went away a second time and prayed, 'My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." -Matthew 26:39, 42

The devotion goes on and talks about how the disciples Jesus took with him to pray were always falling asleep even when he needed them most. The reality of Jesus' death was starting to become reality rather than a simple theory. As his disciples were sleeping, Jesus fell to his face in prayer. He was all alone in those last hours. The book describes it like this:

"In a few hours he was going to take on his shoulders all the ugliness and pain of hatred, selfishness, murder, rape, envy, and every other sin of every single man, woman, and child who ever lived or ever would live. For a time, Jesus would be pushed away from perfect unity with his Father. He would pay for all our sins alone. The lies and taunts and spit of those lining the streets and those near the cross would compound his pain. The whip, the nails, and the thorns would sear his flesh, and awful thirst would make his tongue swell and cling to the roof of his mouth. He would be all alone. He knew all this was coming, and in his flesh, Jesus wanted out." -David Nasser

After reading this, I couldn't help but to think "Why has the cross simply become 'how Jesus died'? Why don't we cringe and feel sick to our stomachs every time we hear about his death?"  It's almost as if we've grown up hearing about the cross that it's nothing new. Yet when I see the 'Passion' I am instantly brought to tears and broken over my sin. It blows my mind to think that Jesus was willing to do that for ME....tiny, little, nothing-but-a-sinful-human, me! If God called me to suffer like that, I doubt that I would be willing. I would probably be like Jonah when God called him to Ninevah. I'd be running far away. I'd be sooo afraid!

Another big thing that hit me was how much we do things simply to satisfy ourselves, even if it means breaking the heart of Christ.

David writes-- "It it doesn't cost you anything, it's not worth anything. Need more clarity? Do whatever you want. But if it pleases you, all the while contradicting the word of God, you are pleasing your own god--but you are your own god."

That hit deep for me. So often I find myself coming home from school and watching reality tv shows. I'm currently hooked on the whole "16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and Teen Mom 2" crap. Something about watching reality shows is pure entertainment for me. But I'm sure it is breaking God's heart that I'm filling my mind with that garbage. Or I'll watch 'Jersey Shore' reruns to get a feel for what's going on. That's all people talk about at school, and so of course I can't be left out of those conversations. In reality, 'Jersey Shore' is nothing but sex, drama, relationship issues, fighting, and whatever else you wanna add to the list. It's not worth my time and it 100% contradicts God's plans and desires for me. He would much more enjoy me filling my mind with the scriptures and spending time in prayer with Him. Too often, He gets my 'leftover time' that I may or may not have each day. That's not fair to the God of the universe who is by my side all the time.

I'm motivated and excited to spend time with Christ after today's devotions. However, the devil hates that, and will be attacking me the best that He can. Pray that I would flee the devil and his temptations and live life in pursuit of Christ.

It's off to an eight hour babysitting shift, so pray for that as well. Pray for patience and maybe even an opportunity to share the gospel with them!